Lay Me to Rest
by Anjel Starlight
Summary: "He did not think of his parents being worried about him so much that they called Kurt." Warnings inside.
1. Blaine

**A/N: So I am feeling a little angsty lately and so my muse reflects my feelings; but at least I know where I am going with this one. Happy ending, I promise. I was actually originally inspired by a similar plot but they left it opened ended. With how I'm feeling lately I figured I wanted to exploit those feelings for writing but I wanted to go deeper into the drug aspect; no so much with the actual drugs, but with the feelings and thoughts that surround the usage of depression medication. I don't even know how far I'll take it, I'm just going with the flow right now.**

**Warnings: suicidal thoughts, drug induced feelings and talk there-of, general (Klaine is not together?! Why?!) angst**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters depicted, this is a work of fan fiction.**

**Enjoy!... Or not.**

* * *

He was tired all of the time now, sluggish.

The doctor said his body needed to get used to the medication, that his tiredness would fade over time.

Blaine told him he was a liar.

...that has something to do with the tranquilizers that the doctor thought were necessary. His attitude, that is.

Your father comes home to you throwing-up the pills that you took all at once and _everyone_ freaks. He just had not done it right this time.

Even now, weeks after the "attempt", he still does not understand why his parents reacted the way they did, how they continue to react. Granted, they never really hinted that they did _not_ love him, it was just clear to him that Cooper was the favorite... at least they made it seem that way. Blaine found it hard to be around them now, for more reasons than their hovering.

No one else knows.

Not his brother.

Not his "friends".

Not Kurt.

Just his parents knew that Blaine tried to kill himself a month ago.

The glee-club kids thought he was acting a little strange lately, but most of them chalked it up to Blaine still being upset about the break-up. A reason they soon were becoming tired of.

_"Get over it."_

_"Maybe you should move on?"_

_"You've punished yourself enough."_

_"You're being stupid."_

_"Grow a pair."_

It did not matter how _good_ their intentions were, Blaine got worse with each comment. As if their words were taking scoops out of his chest, bringing his already fragile heart further and further into the harsh outer world.

Instead of Blaine feeling each and every dig, he could only watch it happen; watch as ice-cream scoop after ice-cream scoop came out of his chest until the wound was gaping but only bleeding sluggishly. His ribs visible and the membrane his heart was protected by pulling at the backs of his ribs with each beat.

He could not feel because he was numb.

He was bleeding slowly because his whole body was sluggish.

The doctor says it is the medication and his body will eventually adjust.

_Liar._

Blaine knows his body will never adjust. The meds he's on are _tranquilizers_; they were just milder than the ones he was on while they had him strapped to a bed in the mental-ward at the hospital. The only reason he did not get transferred to a facility is because his parents would have to report it to the school. _That _would just cause publicity that they did not want.

...and really, who would?

It was not as if Blaine could not push himself to do things at his normal pace, he could. The medication just made it harder; like he was wading through water head-to-toe. He would pass time by (in his head of course) sometimes imagining when he was walking through the halls he was a fish and the school was a fish-tank. He even had bubble sound effects in his head.

The fantasies would only last seconds because nothing amused him anymore, nothing interested him.

The only thing that really kept Blaine going at all was the thought of Kurt.

...of Kurt and how he will soon be living his life pain free.

Free of Blaine.

Now if Blaine could just get to his medication that his parents kept in their room, he would be set. Kurt would be set free.

Free from ever having to think of Blaine again.

Free from the pain that Blaine caused him.

Free from the nagging tug of wanting Blaine back.

It was just a matter of getting from here, to there.

_Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Swimming, swimming, swimming._

Okay, maybe that was a little funny... Nope. Nothing.

* * *

It had been a month. One might think that that was not enough time to let your child be alone in the house, considering what he almost did a month ago.

Nope, not his parents.

Blaine did not think they did it on purpose. There must have been some time schedule mix up, because his mom had been home when he got back from school but had rushed out the door and yelled up the stairs at his dad—but his dad was not home. Blaine checked.

In fact, he was standing in the threshold of his parents' room, which up until this point had been locked.

Still, his dad was not home and his mom just left and here he was standing in the door-way to his freedom. All he needed was his medication.

He had always wondered why certain depression medications were downers. Why give a downer to someone who is down? Did, for some reason, doctors think that by giving a downer to someone who _is_ down would not make them more down?—Downer? _Whatever._

Maybe the tiredness was enough. Blaine could understand that. The first two weeks back from the hospital he slept almost all of the time, and then he was sleeping almost immediately after he got back from school.

But what is a medicine induced sleep anything but the teasing promise that was absolute nothingness?

Damn he hated not having a set trail of thought anymore. The stupid medication was making it hard for him to stay awake sometimes, let alone _think_ like he normally did. Why could he not have his thoughts flow like they used to?!

His medication was not in his parents' bedside tables, nor in their sock draws. But it was okay, because he found their safe.

Was there really a better place than to keep medication away from a suicidal son than in a lock-box at the bottom of the closet?—Nope, Blaine did not think so either. Expect maybe a pharmacy and only being able to pick up a pill at a time, but he digressed.

Now... for the combination.

It was a dial-lock. Blaine squeezed his eyes shut, _That means only three numbers._ Seems simple enough... but then again, that could just be his medication talking.

Blaine laughed when he turned the first set of numbers (Cooper's birthday) on the dial and the box popped open.

_Nice to know that my parents still favor Cooper,_ he thought with a hum as he pulled the small door open, revealing the contents of the lock-box.

There it was, in all the orange plastic glory.

Once Blaine picked it up and left his parents room, he did not think of anything else than getting to his own room.

He did not think of closing the lock-box door.

He did not think of his dad being home but in another room upstairs.

He did not think of how strange it was that his mother worked a day job but she was leaving the house _after_ he got home.

He did not think of his parents being worried about him so much that they called Kurt.

He did not think of Kurt being picked up at the airport mere hours after he had been called.

He did not think past his closed door... a bottle of water... the cover of his bed...

He did not think past the white cap that his hand only slipped on opening once.

He... just did not think.

...because he was tired of thinking.

Tired of remembering. _All his smiles._

Tired of imagining. _What our life _would_ have been like._

Tired of dreaming. _Of his touch, his kiss, his eyes._

Blaine was just tired.

Of everything.

So he did not think as he spilled the first two pills into his hand.

It was better that way.

That is why the doctor was a liar, because Blaine's tiredness was not going to fade.

It never would.

* * *

**A/N: So this one is short and the feelings don't go as deep as with ****_Feeling Wanted_****, but that's for a reason... Blaine is on drugs. His perception will change with each chapter.**

**Anyways, thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed... or are at least interested in the happy ending that it coming...**

**Until next time,**

**Anjel Starlight**


	2. Brittany

**A/N: Well, here's chapter two. I'm am going to try, again I say ****_try_****, to keep posting for this story on Thursday around this time but it really is all up to my muse, which happens to like this one because I'm writing the third one tonight. I don't really know if I mentioned this before, but I don't really know where I'm going with this story, I just know what I want to address. That being said, I got a little side tracked with this chapter and because of that, I will post the third tomorrow due to me wanting to be back on track... Maybe even tonight if I'm fast enough. So... I will continue to go with the flow. **

**Please ignore any mistakes, I ****_still_**** do not have a beta.**

**Warnings: suicidal thoughts, drug induced feelings and talk there-of, general (Klaine is not together?! Why?!) angst**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters depicted, this is a work of fan fiction.**

**Enjoy!... Or not, it gets kinda sad.**

* * *

It really all began before Valentine's day, but it was not until after Mr. Schue's wedding that it all escalated.

Through bright, blue eyes Brittany watched Blaine Warbler lose his horn.

It was not as if one day she noticed it, she watched it get to that point. Slowly peeling away from his skin at the edges before it was just hanging there by the vein that connected it to the magical part of Blaine's soul. If the vein broke, then the horn would fall off and he would lose touch with his magic.

Of course she tried to stop it. She was a fierce, fiery warrior (Santana told her that once) that had the power to make those who were once magical, magical again. But she must have not been strong enough at the time because Blaine came to school, after being gone for two weeks, without his horn. Brittany would have tried to help the boy find it; but when a unicorn lost their horn, it was up to the former owner to find it; at least before they turned into a zebra.

Brittany did not want Blaine turning into a zebra.

But for now, she was content that Blaine stayed a black unicorn.

_I could help him find it if I just don't say I am,_ Brittany thought to herself as she walked into Glee club, _Santana told me it's not lying because you're not actually saying anything._

As the young blonde woman took her seat she noted that Blaine sat in the corner chair in the back, quite far from where everyone else sat; but the distance was more internal than it was physical. She could see that Blaine was not really there, because he was supposed to be a unicorn and now he was all sad and dark and far away.

Her blue-eyes stared down at the tile floor in front of her, saddened for her warbler-unicorn who lost his horn. _I'll help get you your horn back. Or I'm not Brittany S. Pierce._

* * *

Today marked two weeks since Blaine had come back from his mini-vacation. Brittany had expected his mood to at least improve a little over that time, because once someone became a black unicorn they either accepted their fate and fall to being a zebra, or they fight and become determined to find their horn again. Find what made them happy again. Find themselves again.

...but Blaine was doing neither.

In fact, he just began to look more and more tired.

The blond wanted to know how to help her friend, but it was not her place to ask because then it would look like she was trying to help him find his horn. No matter how much she wanted to, Brittany could not help Blaine that way, or at least let him know that she is. Magic would only work for someone if they saw it for themselves; especially if they had once believed and lost their way, the path would only open to them if they were willing to go down it.

Or, so says Lord Tubbington; and he is never wrong, he just does wrong things.

So Brittany just watched Blaine when she could. Blaine was _super _smart, so they did not share any classes together other than home-room and home-ec. She would even hold his hand in glee club and sit next to him at lunch. The curly-haired teen would always smile so gently at her when she did that, even caress the back of her fingers with his thumb the way Santana would after their lady-kisses—it made Brittany feel safe and brave, like she was doing the right thing.

That is why she decided that she would look for Blaine's horn at night too.

_He's tired all the time because he's looking!_ she thought excitedly one day, skipping down the hall towards said boy's locker. _He goes home and he looks! So if he isn't giving up, then neither will I._ Her blond pony-tail _swished_ over her shoulder when she abruptly turn her heal to walk with Blaine when he stepped away from his locker, taking his hand in hers boldly—willing him to hear her thoughts. _I'm helping you! And if I find it before you do, I'll lead you to it... so it's kind like you found it!_

Blaine smiled at her again... but he must have been looking really hard for his horn last night because he looked more tired than ever, it showed in his smile. His eyes too; the way that they were not as caramel-apple colored today as they were that dark-honey that her mom bought from the farmer's market. (It always made her giggle, because either the farmers grew their crops in their trucks or cleaned up all of the fields and stuff real fast from the parking lot they sold it in. Farmers were so silly sometimes. There were plenty of fields outside of Lima for them to farm in, but they decide to do it in a parking lot.) That honey looked nothing like the honey that came in the little bears from the store; it was all dark and thick. There were dark smudges under his eyes, like the makeup they used for fight scenes in the plays they did. Maybe there was another play?

Or maybe Blaine was auditioning to work at Six Flags again? She liked it last summer when he did that, he helped Santana win Brittany a giant Tweety for Lord Tubbington.

_Don't worry, Blaine! You'll find your horn soon! And Kurt will see how hard you worked to be a unicorn again! You'll see, there'll be no more being tired or being in pain soon._

* * *

That night Brittany got a call from Kurt.

She did not understand most of what he was saying because he was rushing it but what she did get was that Blaine was in the hospital and Kurt wanted her to be with him. So she went. Her mom drove her and did not even ask if Brittany needed her to stay, she just parked and walked in with her blond-haired daughter. When they found Kurt—he was a mess.

Brittany hugged him and pulled him into ladies bathroom, so that she could help him clean up. Since Kurt was here at the hospital because Blaine was here, she could not let her two favorite unicorns reunite without looking their best. She helped Kurt clean up by helping him wash his face and dab his puffy-red eyes with a cool cloth and fix his hair with her fingers and even straighten his wrinkled shirt.

He looked better by the end of it, but he was sad looking—and tired. Like Blaine.

But it was okay.

Brittany patted Kurt's shoulders and smiled.

It was okay because there was only one reason Blaine could be in the hospital after looking so tired these last two weeks... and Kurt was here! It just made the whole situation all the better.

Blaine must have found his horn! He was here at the hospital because the doctors were helping him put it back on!

"Are the doctors helping put his horn back on?" Brittany bounced slightly on the balls of her feet, "I know it can be hard for a black unicorn to put their horn back on by themselves."

Kurt just stared at her though, blinking slowly before shaking his head and looking down, "No, Britt, they aren't."

The blond bit her lip and looked away, "But he found it, right?"

The taller teen did not say anything this time, he just took Brittany's hand and lead her back out to the waiting room where she found him.

She noticed this time that there were other people there too. An older dark-haired man with a curly-haired woman tucked into his side with his arm over her shoulder, a tall dark-haired man that looked like the first standing next to them. Brittany recognized the second as the man that gave the glee club acting lessons last year. Kurt's father was there too, but not his step-mom or Finn.

Kurt tightened his hold on her hand when a doctor came in and asked for the "Anderson party". His grip got tighter and tighter as the doctor began to say a string of sentences that did not make a lot of sense to Brittany before: "I'm sorry. We did everything we could."

Her blue-eyed unicorn fell into her side.

_Blaine found his horn... He did. That's why they were here._

* * *

**A/N: Told you I got side-tracked. I'll post the third tomorrow, or tonight, to get the Blaine side of things back in order. But while I'm at it, I liked where I went with this chapter and I would like to do it again in the future. Just in case I do, I'll make sure to post a "back on track" chapter with it. So two chapters at a time.**

**Anyways, I hope you enjoyed... or are at least interested in getting to the ending...**

**Until next time,**

**Anjel Starlight**


	3. Blaine 2

**A/N: Okay, as promised, the back-on-track chapter. This one is a little on the, well... everywhere side. Hospital grade drugs are tricky things. I also realize that I left the last chapter a little too open ended, so I'll clear that up now: No one is dying in my story, that's why there is no warning. But just in case it was too confusing for some, I added a transition sentence that makes it a little more clear. So, without further ado... the formalities. Then the story.**

**Please ignore any mistakes, I still do not have a beta.**

******Warnings: suicidal thoughts, drug induced feelings and talk there-of, general (Klaine is not together?! Why?!) angst**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any characters depicted in this story (not even the doctor, because I don't want him... and you'll see why in later chapters). This is a work of fan fiction.**

**Enjoy!... Or not, it's your choice.**

* * *

_"Again, I'm sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Anderson. We have done everything we could. It's all up to Blaine now."_

You know how in movies when someone usually wakes up in a hospital everything is sharp and clear but painful, because: _Hello_, you are in _hospital_. There are the white walls and the uncomfortable non-clothing, with flowers or balloons or cards somewhere in the room, and someone usually sitting by the bed and they had fallen asleep waiting for the person that's a patient to wake up. When they wake up a doctor usually sweeps as if on cue, because it is a _movie_.

_Well,_ Blaine thinks, blinking awkwardly, his eyes clenching unnecessarily each time he closed them; but despite how weird he knew it is, he could not stop from doing it, _this isn't the movies._

He was not able to take in the details of the room, or what time of day it was, or even how he felt at that moment. Then again, he was not even sure of any of that was true because he recognized that he was in a hospital and was able to think about hospital movies—waking up in hospital movies—and flowers.

Did someone get him flowers?

Why would someone get him flowers if his toes were numb?

No, wait—he could not feel his toes. Did he cut off his toes?

He blinked oddly again, but when he opened his eyes this time there was suddenly a man in a thin white coat at the foot of his bed—a doctor?

_Did he just apparate in?_

"Oh," the man exclaimed, looking up from the—whatever he was holding, Blaine could not think of the word at the moment, "It's good to see you awake, Blaine. Though I would've rather you not—"

Blaine closed his eyes and listened to the doctor's, which he now remembered was his doctor the last time he was here, voice change into a deeper and more stern tone with an odd paper crinkling sound in the background. He kept his eyes closed because they felt too heavily to lift, as if he was too tired to do so.

"—left our bedroom door open! I should have closed it!" The crinkling sound increased but then it sounded like someone was choking on a sob—Oh, wait, the crinkling was someone sniffing back from crying. "But I didn't know he was home! I didn't—"

When he finally realized it was his dad talking Blaine forced his eyes open a sliver, but the voice changed again just as he did. He saw Brittany sitting in the chair next to his bed when he was able to focus his gaze; just then, he managed to take in the details of his room as he listened to her chatter on.

"—find your horn. But I wasn't supposed to anyways because that would mean you couldn't put it back on." Brittany's bright blues—Kurt's face flashed in his mind—met his own barely open ones, but she did not look surprised to see him awake, as if she knew the whole time that he would be or that he was listening.

His tongue felt heavy—Kurt must have been crying because his eyes were blood-shot and his cheeks were red—like he had a mouth full of sand and it was hard to talk around it. Blaine was not even entirely sure he was able to but someone spoke in his voice not too long after he tried.

"I can feel my toes."

The blond girl smiled brightly and looked down, "Me too!"

Kurt was sitting where Brittany had been—but Blaine was sure he did not blink this time.

_Oh, ow!_ His throat hurt. Why did his throat hurt?

Did his stomach just growl? When was the last time he ate?

Why was he suddenly feeling everything else? He could only just feel his toes a second ago when Brittany was here. She said she could feel his toes too.

_Oh..._ Blaine rolled his shoulders with some difficulty, _The pills._ He sucked in a breath through his nose, _Fuck... That's why I'm in a hospital._ He opened his eyes, not realizing he had closed him, and looked around the room a little lost. _I am in a hospital, right?_

"You scared me half to death."

Kurt was still sitting in the chair.

_That rules out me being a time-traveler, _Blaine let his eyes droop and he let out a chuckle; which he instantly regretted, _Okay, ow. No laughing... Maybe I did have sand in my mouth and I swallowed it?_ His head lolled to the side but he did not take his eyes off of Kurt, watching as the teen looked at him in concern and sadness, those blue eyes of his dancing in a way—then water began to fall onto Kurt's cheeks.

Why the hell was the hospital staff letting it rain in here? And on Kurt, no less!

Blaine glanced back at Kurt from where he had been trying to find the cloud on the ceiling and noticed Kurt had changed his clothes from the last second he saw him—and the doctor was at the foot of his bed again. He must have fallen—he must _keep_ falling asleep because there was no way that he was a time-traveler and a magician, because Kurt look _amazing_.

"Hello, Blaine," the doctor said, trying to draw the bed-ridden teen's attention from Kurt, "I'm Dr. Henry, I was you doctor last time you were here."

Kurt was staring at Blaine sternly, not saying a word, or at least he was trying really hard to because his lips were pressed together rather tightly.

"I would like to ask you a few questions, Blaine,"—_Why was this guy still talking?—_"Let's start off with how you are feeling."

He must have taken too much time to answer because Kurt nudged his hand, the way he used to nudge his hand back when they were close enough to have their hands near one another. So Blaine relented and looked at the doctor, mainly because Kurt's ocean-wave eyes were making him dizzy with all of their—waviness, "I'm tired."

"Expected, it's just the medicine though." So he must really be a time traveler because the next thing he was hearing from the doctor did not make any sense from what he had just been asking, "I know this is difficult, but I believe that you would receive better help at a clinic better suited to your current feelings and thoughts. They will help you manage these things. I have heard from you parents that they do not want to put you in that type of facility because of what it would do to your school reputation, which I understand. But for your benefit, I think it would be the wisest decision."

"Are you—" Blaine shook his head, his brain felt like it was wrapped in cotton candy, all fluffy and puffy and the sugar giving him a rush, "—do you want to send me to a loony-bin?"

He only _thought_ he cut his toes off! He did not actually do it!

"That is not really the term—"

"Blaine," Kurt put his hand on Blaine's, curling his fingers around his wrist slightly, "you need help dealing with this. You can't do this alone."

"Quite right, Mr. Hummel, Blaine you need—"

"I can help you, if you let me," Kurt continued, ignoring the doctor, "I know if you go to a place like that, it won't help. You won't want it because they are forcing it on you. But maybe if I—"

"Mr. Hummel," the doctor said indignantly, "Blaine attempted to kill himself twice; you are in _no_ way qualified to deal with—"

"No, I didn't!" Both Kurt and the doctor look startled at Blaine's outburst, but he continued on, a fire burning behind his eyes at the accusation, "I did _not_ try to kill myself twice!"

The room stayed silent except for the slightly erratic beeping from the monitor hooked up to Blaine's finger, showing off his heightened emotional state.

Kurt turned to the doctor suddenly, "He doesn't remem—"

"It is the medication we have him on," he said calmly. "There are side-effects with every medicine, but with these—" he shrugged, "—short-term memory loss is highly probable." The man turned to look at Kurt, looking down at him in more than he-was-standing way, "Do you still believe you can help him? Yes, as time goes on, his body will adjust and he will begin to feel like normal—"

_Liar..._ Blaine thought, turning his gaze back to Kurt.

"—but he needs more intensive care than you can provide."

_Kurt's all I'll ever need… he just doesn't want me._

* * *

**A/N: So, there it is. I hope that was not as confusing as I think it might be... but I've been staring at it since last night, so I wouldn't know. Anyways, thanks for all the kind words about my detour chapter. I know that I was going to go on with a Kurt one at some point but I also might do another Brittany, because ya'll seemed to like her POV. **

**Anyways, I hope ya'll enjoyed... or I hope ya'll didn't hate it and might come back?... Maybe?**

**Until next time,**

**Anjel Starlight **


	4. Blaine 3

**A/N: Hello! Sorry for the early post but someone asked me to switch with them at work today, so I won't get out of work until later than I promised to post! So here it is, because I have to make this quick, chapter four! But you get a lot of explanation in this one. Anyways... **

**Please ignore any mistakes, I ****_still_**** do not have a beta.**

**Warnings: suicidal thoughts, drug induced feelings and talk there-of, general (Klaine is not together?! Why?!) angst**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters depicted, this is a work of fan fiction.**

**Enjoy!... Or not, lots of Klaine angst.**

* * *

"I feel stupid."

A giggle resounded through the small hospital room, "You shouldn't, it's just the medication."

Blaine rolled his eyes and glared at the nurse attending to his IV bag, bitterly muttering, "It doesn't change the fact that I _feel_ stupid."

"And you should."

He stiffed in his propped up state. It was the voice he had dreamed about, that haunted him, that saved him: Kurt's voice.

A frown took up residence on his young but stubbled face as he turned to look at Kurt, standing in the threshold of Blaine's hospital room with the door wide open behind him.

"What you did was stupid," Kurt continued to say, taking two more steps into the room. Blaine only noticed it was for the nurse when she slipped behind the boy that still held his heart—even if it was on the floor in his room... or the waste-basket... or wherever Kurt had thrown it.

"M'sorry," he muttered, slightly slurred.

Blaine sunk back into his bed, eyes closing to the rush of medication flowing through his system now that the nurse had readministered his dose; but hopefully this time, since Kurt was here, he would not fall asleep too soon.

He had been in the hospital for three days now and the doctor was already decreasing his tranquiller dosage and talking about the medication that he would be on after he was released. It would be two different types of pills, one to be taken in the morning and after lunch, and the other was for at night. That was as far as Blaine listened to the doctor talk, ignoring completely what the technical functions of the medication were; all he knew was the he did not want to take them. They were just going to be like the previous one, just stronger.

Maybe this time—

Kurt touched Blaine's wrist, right below where it was cuffed to the bed grating. Blaine stared at the hand, slender fingers working to gently rub at the soft, sensitive skin of his inner wrist. "How do you feel?" Kurt asked as he took a seat, fingers never leaving Blaine's wrist.

The shorter teen blinked slowly before readjusting his shoulders to try and remove the sudden tingling sensation that was star-bursting just beneath his skin, even when he knew that no matter how much he moved the uncomfortable feeling would remain until he began too tired to care. "Stupid," Blaine muttered plainly.

Kurt sighed heavily and looked down at their connected skin.

He had his thinking face on; but it seemed everyone had their thinking face on now-a-days when they were around Blaine. Like they were trying to figure him out, trying to piece together what they knew of him from the past and were unable to match them to who sat in front of them—like they did not know who he was at all. He could understand that though, he did not know quite who he was or what he was thinking lately either. How his thoughts were a jumbled mess and his body would not listen to him and he could not understand how he got to this point and he forgot why he was here sometimes and why he wanted to be left alone but not alone and how is it that everything else is so dull and fuzzy and Kurt is so bright and in focus that it _hurts_ to look at him sometimes but he cannot _stop_ and he feels like he is spinning out of control even when the room is not and his head feels so full but he does not think he is thinking of anything—does that even count as thinking?

Before his mind allows him to continue running a million thoughts a second, Kurt speaks again—asking the _one_ question that Blaine does not want to hear.

"Why?"

_Why?_ Everyone asked that question, the doctor, the nurse, his parents, his brother... now Kurt. Up until now he just shrugged his shoulders and closed his eyes, not even needing to pretend to sleep because the medication took care of that for him... but this was Kurt. Kurt, who was at the center of everything that Blaine did or thought about ever since they first kissed. "I don't really know..." he said in the end.

Kurt glared at him, "Blaine. That's bullshit."

The curly-haired teen just closed his eyes briefly, feeling his skin begin to itch the way it always did right after the tingling left, almost the way he remembered his foot or leg or arm would feel after it fell asleep—but Kurt's fingers were on his wrist. And that simple thing brought everything into perspective.

Kurt was _here_. He was here and Blaine finally had the chance to talk to him, to _tell_ him.

"I just wanted—I felt so _alone_," Blaine opened his eyes and looked right into Kurt's more grey-than-blue eyes. "I wanted to still feel connected with you but you were ignoring me. You would only talk about yourself and how _New York_ was and how _great_ it was and Vogue and how did you _ever_ get by living in _Ohio_." The look in the taller teen's eyes changed, realizing that this was not from Blaine's feelings on wanting to kill himself—it was what Kurt never wanted to listen to before, what caused it all. "I mean, I was happy for you. Of course I was—but then you weren't answer my texts or calls or missing Skype dates or cutting them short. It was hard, but I tried to understand what it would have been like moving somewhere new. So I let it slide. But then—" Blaine swallowed back the lump forming in his throat, not being able to tell if it was from the _emotion_ or the medication. "You only talked about yourself. I thought you didn't _care_ anymore, but I didn't want to believe it... because we're us. We were great and soul-mates and all we would ever _need_ was each other. I tried really hard to cling to that, Kurt. I really did.

"But then you cut-off my 'I love you'; and everything seemed to fall into place. It had to be more than you just being excited, maybe you really _didn't_ care," he sighed and closed his eyes; Kurt's becoming too sharp to look into anymore. "I just wanted to feel wanted by you, then I just wanted to feel wanted." Blaine forced himself to look at Kurt again, because it was important—he just _had_ to understand, "You were _everything_ to me, Kurt. I thought I was that to you, but I didn't feel like it in the end... So here comes this guy and he's interested in me, what I have to say, what I feel, what I think... _me_. We talked in the beginning, that's all it was. Then it was the week of the elections and I _won_. I _won_, Kurt. And where were you? I didn't know because you didn't answer.

"I _get_—" Blaine said with more emphasis when Kurt opened his mouth to defend himself, "—that it was no excuse to cheat, and I'm sorry I did. I mean, I'm still paying for it." He paused for longer this time, taking a moment for Kurt to think about what Blaine has said while he himself fought against the drowsiness that hit him. He needed to get this said, he needed Kurt to hear it, so he continued, "But how was I supposed to tell you about how I was feeling?" Blaine glared slightly at Kurt, "_Talk_ to you? You weren't listening to me. You were practically ignoring me... So I cheated and ruined everything. I ruined us and broke you. It wasn't enough that before you were almost ignoring me, now you were avoiding me."

Blaine looked away, because he just could not say the next part while looking at Kurt, "I lost the love of my life, my soul-mate. I lost my best friend. I lost everything that ever made me truly happy—because I fucked up. So yes, it was a lot to deal with. But I was handling it, filling the spaces with newer, tighter friendships—then Valentine's happened. I felt..." he trailed off and shuddered, remember that day with too many mixed feelings, "I felt happy that you were giving us a second chance, but I realized afterwards that you were only using me." Blaine looked at Kurt briefly before looking away, not being able to handle Kurt's tears, "You _used_ me. That wasn't you—it would have never been you; but _I_ did that.

"I changed you... and that makes me sick. That I hurt you so much that it changed who you were. I could have lived with everything else, maybe even moved on—" he sucked in a breath, his eyes watering up and _burning_. "But not that, never that."

They sat in verbal silence after that, with sounds of the hospital in the background and both of them sniffling and handling their tears—but Kurt's fingers never left Blaine's wrist, they even pressed every once in a while. Blaine thought it was odd, but did not question it.

"Let me be here for you," Kurt broke the silence, his voice scratchy and thick but quiet and determined. "Let me help you."

Hazel eyes stared at the older teen, the hope stirring in that gaze pushed aside in denial, "Why do you care? Why are you here, Kurt?"

"Because," Kurt's eyes shifted back to blue suddenly, "despite everything, I still love you. I _want_ to be here for you, I _want_ you to be better. I—I want us to be okay... even if we aren't together. Please, Blaine, let me."

He stared at Kurt until he grew bright and so in focus that it began to hurt to look at him again, but Blaine persisted to look at the older teen and try and see him—until his vision blurred and he was forced to blink.

_Why do I need Kurt to be okay? Why can't I be okay on my own?_

* * *

**A/N: I do believe that this is my longest chapter yet, but don't expect them to continue to get longer. The longer I write something the longer that it takes me to write it and edit... Then it might not be every week. So we don't want that. **

**Anyways, I hope you enjoyed or you were at least entertained. Sorry if I seem a little rushed in my notes, I'm got one more thing to post.**

**Until next time!**

**-Anjel Starlight**


	5. Blaine 4

**A/N: You know... despite me saying last chapter ****_not_**** to expect my chapters to get longer, they ****_keep _****doing that! Not that I really mind, just as long as they get out on time, which is what you are all interested in too. Anyways, this chapter is for resolve and the opening for the next chapter which will be in Kurt's POV; ****_meaning_**** there will be two chapters next week... and I ****_do _****hope I finish them because this chapter almost didn't because I sliced a chunk off my right pinkie, which is important when typing a story! Haha. Enough of me.**

**Warnings: suicidal thoughts, drug induced feelings and talk there-of, general (Klaine is not together?! Why?!) angst**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters depicted, this is a work of fan fiction.**

**Enjoy!... Or... I don't know... Don't litter?**

* * *

"Have you given much thought to my offer?" Kurt asked as soon as he walked into Blaine's hospital room the second visiting hours started.

The one thing that Blaine knew would always stay constant in Kurt was his unbelievable need to waste no time at any moment... and to always get his way. Kurt took the chair next to Blaine's bed, the one that somehow always seemed to gravitate closer with each visitor he received; a feat that he did not quite understand.

One that he also did not mind, seeing as how the frequency of Kurt's visits outnumbered anyone else's, and the ever present feelings Blaine still holds for him. Blaine wanted to be okay, but he was so confused on _who_ he wanted to be okay for. Was it right that he felt he needed Kurt so bad that he could not live without him, despite all the cards being revealed? There was a burning hole within him that ached to be filled with the love he once felt from Kurt, and if was hard living without it when he knows what it felt like once upon a time.

The difference now, was not that Blaine tried to kill himself, or that he felt he was responsible for changing Kurt, it was that after their talk they both came to the same conclusion: immaturity.

Clearly something that they had not thought about when they were together was _how_ they would grow into adults; instead they focused on where they would be, what they would be doing, and who they were going to be with. The typical "what lies at the end of the road" mentality, and not the actual road and who is travelling on it.

Nothing in between really seemed to register because there was no real thought put into it.

Yes, they had both changed and made decisions that lead to mistakes that led to consequences.

But now… everything was so much _bigger._

Kurt did not even seem to be aware of his sudden bout of OCD; and with everyone tip-toeing around him because of his dad's treatments, no one was telling him about it.

But Blaine was nothing if not observant that was everything Kurt and more than willing to help him... but Blaine was still not so sure on being helped by the other teen. It was backwards and two-faced, but Blaine was sitting at a very difficult impasse.

One: he either let Kurt in and be exposed to all of the pain that they both had to go through in their break-up, because he knew that he could not talk to Kurt about his other _deeper_ feelings without letting Kurt in again... and inadvertently, causing Kurt to open up about the pain that Blaine caused him.

He knew what he had done, Blaine was more than aware of that, but did he really believe that he was currently in a firm position with his suicidal feelings to actually _hear_ Kurt talk about it all.

Or two: he allowed the people at this facility to talk to him about his feelings and not understanding because they were not _there_ and he would always think that as they tried to help him manage, because that is really all they could do was help him _manage_... then in the end tell him to talk to Kurt anyways so that there would be some finality.

So... rip off the scabbed-over band-aid? Or soak it in meaningless words before having to rip it off?

The bed-ridden teen swallowed the gulp of water that he had been letting sit in his mouth. "I got the paperwork for the facility from the doctor yesterday after you left," Blaine sighed, watching Kurt's face fall into a pained expression. "It's all filled out; all I have to do is sign."

"They aren't going to be able to help you, Blaine. Not the way I can," Kurt said in the way that Blaine knew he was talking about being the center of everything and how it would be solved faster if they went through it together.

He let his eyes fall closed, tugging at the restraints around his wrists. He was so close to letting the other teen just be right and let him in, that it was growing painful. "Kurt," he rasped, mouth going dry and making him more reluctant to talk, "You're leaving tomorrow."

Kurt rolled his eyes, like he could not believe that Blaine had brought up something so trivial. "Yes," he agreed, "but then I'll be back in less than two weeks. For the _summer_. I only have my finals after the last week of class and have already talked to my teachers about doing each one early." The teen took Blaine's hand when he attempted to protest, "I know we have both lost our former selves and that we may have fallen from glory, but I find it more important to be with _you_ and help _you_ than to wait a few more days to take a test." A smile blossomed on Kurt's face, unpained or strained but still sad, "I want you to graduate and I want you to move to New York and live out the dream that you have wanted since you were little, not the dream that you sculpted after I told you I wanted to go to NYADA. If I could even be the slightest reason to help you move passed this and live on, even if we never said a word to each other for the rest of our lives... I would be okay with that. I'd be _thrilled_."

His lip felt numb after he had been chewing on it and shook his head, throat protesting to being abused with his mouth being so dry, "No you wouldn't."

This caused Kurt to really smile, eyes lighting up with an inner light that Blaine had not seen since... _before_. It was good to see the sad and lonely and rage lit eyes to finally be put away... and maybe one day the love would come back to shine through.

Or was that too hopeful of him to think that this would all work out?

"You're right, I wouldn't," Kurt said and looked up at Blaine through his lashes, sending the other teen's mind reeling to the days that that look meant skipped lunches in favor of the empty choir room, or Blaine first seeing Kurt working on a car at the garage and borrowing the break-room, or Kurt first seeing Blaine play Prince Charming at the theme park over the summer and Blaine sneaking Kurt into the dressing room after the show.

"So... about my offer?"

Blaine smiled and worked his throat so that he could attempt to talk without having to stop to drink the water sitting on the bed table in front of him (in front of his face really, with a straw, because his hands were restrained—the main reason why Kurt had not been pulled into Blaine's lap once he flashed that look); because despite Kurt always wanting (actually getting) his way, Blaine was not totally against giving it to him in the first place.

Until the doctor walked in that is.

"Good to see you here again, Mr. Hummel," the man that was slowly starting to become the bane of Blaine's hospital existence swept into the room, not even bothering to look at Kurt as he spoke.

_Huh_.

Blaine looked critically at the doctor standing at the foot of his bed, clipboard tight in his grip as he seemed to angle his body away from Kurt... the front of his body, the only part of his body that was not covered by his lab-coat.

With the new pilled drugs he was taking, Blaine had become much more observant of things around him; which had a lot to do with the lack of strength in the tranquilizers _and_ that the new drugs made him ridiculously thirsty and made it hard to talk if he did not have a drink right before because his mouth was dry... or felt dry. So he was left to listen and look a lot.

"Homophobe," he finally decided.

The doctor snapped to look at Blaine in surprise, "Excuse me?"

The teen blinked in response, his voice scratchy and deep and reminded him of the horrible experience of going through puberty where his voice would crack every chance it got (and considering that he went through it late, did not help with the teasing), "Oh... Did I say that out loud?"

A startled giggle came from Kurt, before he placed a hand to his mouth trying to hide his smile. But Blaine saw, he saw the crinkle lines in the corner of Kurt's eyes, the apple of his cheeks puff up, the way his nose scrunched up just little...

_Beautiful_, Blaine let himself think as Kurt's smile became infectious.

"Blaine," the doctor interrupted any further thoughts said teen was having about the other. "I understand that you have an obligation to your friend to defend his… _choices_ in life, but I think it best, for you, to not associate with Mr. Hummel further. The facility we talked about is awaiting that application I gave to you." The man stepped close to Blaine's bedside, opposite of where Kurt sat, "Have you signed the papers?"

The pause that followed really consisted of Blaine staring disbelievingly at his doctor—_Did you just—_?

"W-what?!" Blaine yelled as he sat up from his bed, hitting the table and knocking the glass of water into his own lap, "I think you should leave!" The rasping of his voice causing it to crack from the lack of moisture in his throat, but he refused to be quieted. "I don't care what your belief about gay men and women are and I don't give a shit, but I won't let you stand there and insult me and my boyfriend like you own the world! I am hospitalized and I don't believe that you are fit to treat me per your prejudices! So get the fuck out!" His knee came up and knocked into the table, since he could not bang on it instead with his fists, causing the doctor to jump and hastily exit the room while Kurt only held his hand tighter, "And get me another doctor!"

Kurt burst into laughter as soon as the doctor was out of sight and Blaine continued to glare out the door until the other teen's giggling came to a slow stop, "Despite how _hot_ that was, _that_ is going to have to be just another thing that we'll have to take control of." The hand that Blaine had been holding practically since Kurt walked in pulled away and was placed on top of his own, "That is... if you wa—"

"Yes," Blaine croaked, smiling.

Kurt pursed his lips and looked down, "Good." He nodded before shyly looking up at their joined hands, "You said boyfriend."

Hazel eyes closed tightly, not wanting to see the look on Kurt's face when he turns Blaine down after he just accidently messed things up.

"I don't think," Kurt began to said, his voice slow and hesitant, as if he was looking for the right words... the right words to turn Blaine down, "That _now_ is a good time for us to be back together."

A shocked look came over Blaine's face, his eyes snapping open to take Kurt in: sitting beside him at the hospital, dressed in a revealing off-shoulder blue sweater and tight light gray skinny jeans, eyes bright with... _Oh... Wow_.

"_Now_," he repeated, lacing their fingers together, "but that isn't a _never_."

The shorter teen huffed in... he did not know what, but he smiled, "Yeah."

Maybe they could really help each other? Maybe they were not such lost hopes after all?

But really, only time will tell... seeing as how Kurt would be gone for two weeks.

"Now let's clean up this water. "

* * *

**A/N: Well, there it is. Some really important drug related themes that will be expanded upon in the coming chapters. No Klaine interactions until after chapter six because Blaine's (ch.6) will be concurrent with Kurt's (ch.5), luckily you get both at one time. I don't know if we will ever see the doctor again, I'm not one for too evil characters. Blah, we'll see. **

**Also, a quick and HUGE thank you to the reviewer Chrisch! I was feeling so discouraged will the way that I wrote the last chapter that I almost did not want to update, but your review made me feel so much better about this whole story! I really appreciate it! Almost immediately after I read it I began this chapter and it inspired me for the Kurt one (especially this early in the story!). Again, thank you. I probably would have fallen behind without you.**

**Hope ya'll all enjoyed (the confirmation that this story will end in Klaine)!**

**Until next time,**

**Anjel Starlight**


	6. Kurt

**A/N: Hello! Aren't you happy to get two chapters? As promised, this is Kurt's chapter and it is a little longer than any previous ones because you get a good amount of explanation from his side. Blaine's won't be so long, but it's not short either. Considering the huge shocking news of Cory Monteith's death, I have to readjust where I had my story going, I will discuss this more next week when the shock of it all settles and I am more prepared on what I am going to do. May he rest in peace and my heart goes out to the Glee cast for their loss, I just lost my aunt this morning and am still recovering from losing my great grandmother and grandmother this year.**

**Warnings: suicidal thoughts, drug induced feelings and talk there-of, general (Klaine is not together?! Why?!) angst**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters depicted, this is a work of fan fiction.**

**Enjoy!... Or think happy thoughts.**

* * *

Kurt had a planner... granted, he had always had a planner of some sort when he was growing up because he liked things to be organized. That's one of the reasons his dad went from just teaching him about cars at home to teaching him and letting him work at the garage. The front office suddenly had filing cabinets that were in use, customers started getting their cars back early, employees were never pressured to finish things the same day ever again, and Burt never had to worry about running out of any equipment or supplies; all because Kurt took over the paperwork and inventory.

With everything that had been going on lately though, with his dad and now Blaine, he decided that he needed to be more thoroughly organized. His days were planned out almost down to the minute: getting ready in the morning and at night, meals, studying, TV breaks, talking on the phone, and even thinking.

Right now was not the time he set out to think, it was studying time but no matter how much he tried to burry himself in his book reports, a project, music sheets, and acting class notes... his mind always came back to Blaine.

Blaine and what he had almost done. Something that Kurt had not even fathomed possible for the other teen to even think about let alone attempt _twice_. That all of his hurt feelings stemmed from Kurt's own hurt feelings and his unnecessary attempt at revenge; it only seemed to hurt both of them further in the end, he could only see that now after Blaine pointed it out.

Despite how much hurt was between them, Kurt could admit that he still loved Blaine deeply, making it all hurt that much more. That he had done such a thing to Blaine, then Blaine trying to end it all. He did not want to feel guilty after hearing Blaine's side, or what he shared of it, but the teen could not help but think that he had been a factor in the infidelity.

_The main cause..._ Kurt thought, letting out a quiet sigh before focusing back on the music sheet in front of him. This was the song he had to perform for his entry theater class final, the results would either land him in advanced theater or entry opera next semester.

He _needed_ to focus now, so that he could think about Blaine as much as he wanted later.

When he was methodically making a sandwich for dinner later, Kurt could not help but reflect on where everything seemed to go wrong.

Had he really not talked to Blaine since Valentine's Day? Was he so cruel as to completely cut Blaine out of his life before and more so after that day? Kurt did not want to believe it.

…but it was true. He had been so focused on wanting to make Blaine suffer as much as he had, that he lost his true self in his anger. Using Blaine, giving him the slightest bit of belief that they were going to get back together, and then he threw him aside without a second thought.

Without even realizing it, he was hurting himself too.

Back when he was in Ohio, visiting Blaine every day from the time visiting hours began until they ended, Kurt knew that Blaine did not catch onto how much Kurt truly cared for him. He was always there for Blaine, whether he was asleep or awake but not lucid, babbling about random things thinking that he was making absolute sense but he was only stringing together nonsense. Even when Blaine had other visitors, Kurt was right outside the door, waiting for that company to leave so that he could rejoin the teen.

Or even the first night that Blaine had been at the hospital, Kurt slept propped up against Brittany, then his dad when she left, so devastated to find out that Blaine had tried to kill himself not once, but _twice_, that he was practically inconsolable. He had refused to eat or drink or talk until his own dad threatened to call a nurse to come examine and treat him for shock.

He felt responsible without knowing how it had all gotten to this point, or why no one had told him—

No one had told him anything.

* * *

_The tingling in his shoulders kept him on edge, Kurt could not quite figure out if it was from the long flight or the strangeness of being called out of New York by Blaine's parents... or something else entirely. He had already called Mrs. Anderson to tell her that he just arrived at the Columbus airport; she had anticipated his early arrival and was already on her way. So in less than twenty minutes Kurt would be riding in a car with a woman that he never particularly liked._

But it's for Blaine, _Kurt tried to remind himself. The grey button down he wore was wrinkled in the back from the long flight, but he had a vest that he had laid at the top of his carryon bag which easily hid any imperfections. It was not for this woman or her husband that he wanted to look immaculate for, despite the unknown reasons Kurt was brought back to Ohio, he was here for Blaine. He wanted to look good for Blaine, not even in the "I'm doing fine without you" way... Kurt just wants to look good. Show Blaine that he cared what he looked like in front of him, that he wanted to be perfect for Blaine, wanted to be better for Blaine._

_As out of his mind as it seemed, he still cared for Blaine; maybe even admit he still loved him._

_...and maybe in some small recess of Kurt's mind, he wanted Blaine to see what he lost. No matter how much Kurt wanted that to be the reason more than the other, the pleasure he imagined he would get out of it—just made him sick to his stomach._

_Blaine's silver BMW pulled up to the curb near the bench that Kurt had sat himself at, outside the let-out terminal. How ironic that it was_ that _car. _

_Kurt and Blaine had always joked that it would be the Navigator that they would break in first, back before they had had sex of course. But after their Christmas date and Blaine had given Kurt the Jimmy Choo boots that he had been eyeing at the mall for months... well, Kurt was not about to let his Brooks Brothers bowtie-set be beat out; so once Blaine had pulled up behind his (empty) house to park his car, Kurt had moved himself to the back seat._

_The same back seat that he had just placed his bags in._

Has it really come to this? _he thought as he settled himself in the front passenger seat_, Back in Ohio and I'm already seeing Blaine in everything.

_Not being a woman of pleasantries, Mrs. Anderson just pulled away from the airport and back on the road._

_The rest of the ride was a kind of blur, seeing as how all he needed to hear was "Blaine did what? You're taking him to the hospital?" and Kurt shut down on anything but those words. He had not even thought to question why he had been brought here in the first place, he was told that Blaine needed him so he came... but now he could not even bother to process asking what Blaine did. All he could think about was Blaine dying and Kurt never seeing him again, because why else would someone be taken to the hospital? He was hurt and he needed Kurt, and he might not ever see him again._

_But when he finally sat in a hospital waiting room listening to Cooper as he gently told him that Blaine had tried to kill himself..._ again. _Kurt just sat there, laughing slightly waiting for the moment when someone jumps out and says "Just kidding!", because really? Blaine? Happy, go-lucky always wearing a smile and saying a kind word, dapper and gentlemanly to almost a fault, cardigan and bowtie and no or neon colored socks wearing—Blaine. _Kurt's _Blaine, tried to commit suicide? Twice? Impossible._

_...apparently not. No one was laughing; no one was telling Kurt it was just some cruel joke._

_Kurt almost did not want to believe it. The timing was too perfect! He gets called from Blaine's parents to come out and talk to him on the_ same _night that he tries to kill himself? No, no way. Not his Blaine._

_... but it was true. Unmistakably true._

_He barely had enough strength to call his dad._

_As the panic of the situation began to set in, Kurt lost it as the initial numbness wore off._

_He pulled at his hair, tugged at his clothes, paced the length of the waiting room with tears blurring his vision and nerves twitching, causing him to run into chairs, tables, people—until he was forced into a chair by his dad upon his arrival. He felt like his world was falling apart, like the fine strings that had been holding him together since the breakup were snapping at a pace that he was not even registering. _

_All he could focus on was Blaine and why, why,_ why.

Why would he do this?

Why would he leave me?

Why did he not talk to me?

Why did I not _call_ him?

Why did we grow so far apart?

Why aren't you with me Blaine?

Why didn't I call you?

Blaine, Blaine, Blaine.

_With nothing but a tsunami of emotions to deal with, all Kurt focused on was the call he should have made, that he should have called, he needed to call Blaine, he needed to call Blaine now. Scrolling through his contacts was difficult through the tears but he managed. _

_Then someone picked up, so he just let loose on everything not ever realizing that he was babbling and that logically, Blaine could not have answered his phone seeing as how he was in the hospital somewhere with doctors working on him._

_"I-I w-want you here w-with me! W-why aren't you h-here?"_

_...but nothing surprised him more than _hearing Brittany _on the other side of the line._

"Okay, Unicorn! I'll come visit you and Blaine Warbler in the hospital! Be there soon!"

_Once the innocent girl had arrived, she had taken it upon herself to make the shattered Kurt feel better by helping him clean up as best she could; Kurt even became lucid enough to turn down her glittery eye-shadow and lip-gloss. Her non-grasp of the situation only seemed to sober him further. Here was Brittany, completely out of her element and expecting Blaine to be okay; while he could not seem to pull his head out of his ass a few minutes ago and realize that calling Blaine was a stupid idea. _

_But it brought him a friend so he would take it._

_Especially when Kurt wanted to slap the doctor for calling all of those waiting for news on Blaine a "party", like they were at some sleazy, chain restaurant._

_"—it's all up to Blaine now."_

* * *

Dodging Rachel and Santana's third-degrees were getting a little harder for Kurt with each passing day. He was down to his final class day, his two book reports and one final project turned in, one of his final performances already sung, Kurt was growing anxious to return to Ohio. He was set to leave in less than three days but he almost wanted to push for his acting-class final to be done earlier, something he knew would just put more pressure on himself, but worth it if he got back to Blaine faster.

He decided that it was best he not, though. It could damage his next semester if he did not watch himself.

_But was that really more important? Aren't I being selfish?_

Instead of his theater class being the final lecture today, the teacher had placed up a sign-up sheet for their final performances, Kurt had already chosen an early slot because it was those and last ones that were remembered the most despite the content. Though the subject matter of the final song was not limited to theater or musicals, most students did not stray from the intended genre of the class—unless you were Kurt and wanted to be bold, but also found more meaning in mash-up that he had created.

Taking the bold and emotional beats and lyrics of P!nk's "Who Knew" and slowing them down to the instrumental, heartbreaking ballad that was Avril Lavigne's "When You're Gone"; with personal feelings on both of the artists put aside, Kurt had created an emotion piece that really dug deep into his current emotions.

It was a good thing too, because he had just overheard one of the girl's going before him that Carmen Tibideaux had been on the panel of graders.

Kurt could really only smile though, as he stared down at the veins of his right wrist, fingers of his left hand stroking the soft, palpable skin just beneath his palm. His attention had been drawn easily away from the music sheets in his lap when he thought back to Blaine, how he had been more than grateful to any deity that might exist that Blaine had a pulse, a pulse that Kurt almost kept a constant finger on. Whether it had been his neck or the hollow of his throat when he was asleep, or his wrist when he was awake, Kurt did not want to sit back and wonder if Blaine's heart would stop beating, if his blood would stop pumping, if he would stop existing.

Feeling his own pulse now against the fingers, steady and _there_, Kurt was ready to go back to Blaine, but he was calmer about it. More ready than ever before to do this performance, to do it for Blaine as much as himself.

He would deal with Rachel and Satan when he got home, but for now—he could focus on being with Blaine soon.

"Hummel, Kurt. You're up."

_Soon_.

* * *

**A/N: That's it for this one. Go one to the next one seeing as how there's two anyways.**

**Until next time,**

**Anjel Starlight**


	7. Blaine 5

**A/N: Starting to see a little more family dynamic and a lot more with the side-effects. I tried to do some explanation in here, but some of it ended up being filler until we get back to the Klaine action in the next chapter. Again, not much to say, I think I said it all with the previous chapter.**

**Warnings: suicidal thoughts, drug induced feelings and talk there-of, general (Klaine is not together?! Why?!) angst**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters depicted, this is a work of fan fiction.**

**Enjoy!... Or know you are needed by someone.**

* * *

As Blaine stared down into the box of Honeycomb in exasperation, he was almost tempted to call his brother clever; but he wanted to stick with the fact that Cooper had no idea what he was doing when it came to hiding Blaine's medication. He did not often eat the cavity inducing cereals that were bought for his brother's consumption, more so now when sugar-highs and his meds combined made his feel weird. Blaine could not help that he had been craving the sweetened corn bits since yesterday morning, when Cooper flounced into his room with a giant bowl of it, obviously trying to make him jealous.

Now, instead of Blaine feeling content on getting his craving satisfied, he felt a head-ache coming on. He closed the box, the medication bottle untouched on top of the bagged cereal, and put it away.

Ever since he had been released from the hospital, Blaine had been in constant contact with his parents and brother. Normally, he would not have minded their hovering and smothering, despite how he slept sixteen to eighteen hours a day now, it showed they cared.

Again, _normally._

But now it was just all very suffocating.

He was all too aware that Cooper and his mom would come in to check on him in his sleep, touch his shoulder and wake him enough for him to mutter indistinctly at them; Blaine had even caught his father watching him sleep the second night he had been back from the hospital. Though he felt sorry for his parents, to have to go through when he put them through and to continue to worry... really he did. But the smothering had to go. There was also the matter of Cooper trying to hide his medicine, that had to stop too.

As much as he wanted to sit down and talk to his parents and brother about backing off, he was too afraid that they would start asking questions that he was not ready to answer—at least not without talking to Kurt first. Though his family had obviously known him longer, Kurt deserved to know more; seeing as how Blaine had basically told him that he had been the main cause... and while that may have been true, Blaine had so much more to share with Kurt about the whole situation.

And as much as he wanted to think about Kurt and all that they would talk about, or what Kurt would say to him, or how Kurt was going to help him, or if Blaine really needed Kurt to be there at all... He thought better of it. Those kinds of thoughts would only lead him to the more—depressing answer.

The water bottle he picked up from the table felt cold against his hand. Fevers were just another side-effect to one of the medications he was taking now; that and feeling of being dehydrated. Both of which were just small factors in his almost constant state of sleepiness.

Even while he was in the hospital Blaine had not realized how much he truly slept until he came home and actually had access to a clock and more to do than stare at a TV screen. He slept at night, before meals, through meals, watching TV or reading, in the afternoon, and one time he actually fell asleep _at_ the dinner table. Later Blaine had to let his mom clean gravy out of his hair because he could not keep his eyes open long enough for his parents to trust him to take a shower by himself. Other times, instead of sleeping, he was found just staring blankly into space but losing hours doing absolutely nothing, until someone interrupted him.

The sleeping he could handle—he was just catching up on what he lost after the breakup, the feeling dehydrated too—he just peed a little bit more than usual, and even the fevers—he could always take off clothes (and it kept Cooper from coming into his room without knocking), but he _hated_ throwing up.

It happened the first morning of him being back home. Without the nurses forcing him to eat while he took his medicine, Blaine skipped breakfast because he was not hungry and refused to be forced to eat again. His mom did not let him miss taking his first round of pills though. They both learned quickly that he should have eaten before taking his medicine (as directed), because not even thirty minutes later he was on the bathroom floor leaning over the toilet, dry heaving and in absolute pain.

Blaine shuddered at the thought, avoiding looking at the toilet as he walked into his bathroom. He would wait until his mom brought him something to eat before he took his pills for this morning; because he once again found himself not hungry, and he knew better now.

_Maybe I'll be hungry by the time she brings me something,_ he thought, opening his medicine cabinet to look for toothpaste.

The head-ache that had started earlier grew tenfold. Sitting on the second shelf of the cabinet, right next to his toothpaste was his second medication. Cooper could almost be called a genius, hiding Blaine's medicine in his medicine cabinet... except Blaine was not supposed to _have_ medicine in his medicine cabinet... so he was an idiot.

Blaine continued on to brush his teeth and take a shower.

Mornings were the only time that sleeping seemed to escape him. The first time being back from the hospital, he thought that it had something to do with him just being used to being awake in the morning for school, because it certainly was not because he was a morning person. Kurt was, but Blaine took forever to wake up in the morning. Rolling around and hitting his alarm at least five times before trying to sit up, never bothering to open his eyes until he was being blinded by his bathroom lights once he finally got up.

Then one of the nurses at the hospital explained it was because the medicine he took at night was wearing off, so his sudden bout of energy in the mornings was nothing more than an indicator that he should take his morning pills.

_Whatever,_ Blaine rolled his eyes, the barely warm water of his shower cooling his skin and relaxing his muscles. _I'm gonna take advantage of it, seeing as I have plenty of school work to catch up on._

Tina and Sam were taking turns dropping off the papers from his classes after school, glad that he was feeling better from being sick (the excuse his parents used to explain his absence from school—he was just lucky that it was not finals time yet and Dr. Miller—his new doctor—was kind enough to write him a discrete doctor's note for the school) and that they were excited that he would still get to go to Nationals with them.

Brittany even dropped by once to visit him. Telling him about the baking project in Home Ec and that she would be his partner and help him catch up because she was really good at mixing cake and cutting it after it was done baking and because he was _really_ good at making the sugar blanket for the top (fondant—but she had the right idea) and decorating that they were going to have the highest grade! Yes, she said it almost just like that. All before she went on about how he was glowing and rested looking. Asking where he found "it" and why he had not put "it" back on.

What "it" was or how he was supposed to wear "it", Blaine could not say; he was just glad that Brittany had still decided to be there for him through the whole thing, despite her not knowing what was truly going on. He appreciated her more and more, and was going to really miss her when she left for MIT on early admissions.

_"I'll visit you," Blaine told Brittany, hugging her close to him._

_"Okay," she responded, smiling and petting his loose curls (it was easier to not gel his hair at all than have to re-gel it every time he woke up from sleeping), "You can bring Santana and Kurt when you do! I know we'll all be busy, but I can always make time for some lady and gay kisses!"_

_He smiled back at her, "Sure, anything for you."_

But with less than two months of school left, everything was closing in on him pretty fast.

He had to make sure he caught up before he had to go back to school; and everything was under a time crunch when he could only do work to his fullest before he took his medication... maybe he could convince his mom to let him push back taking it an hour if all he was doing was school work?

After drying off and dressing himself in sweatpants, Blaine opened his medicine cabinet automatically to get to his gel before he remembered—then decided he was going to gel his hair anyway, he would just take an extra shower today. It would help fight his pill induced fevers and may even wake him up enough to get more work done.

But as he stood there debating if he wanted to use raspberry or waterfall scented hair-gel—it clicked.

Not the "it" that Brittany had been referring to, but what his brother had been doing.

Cooper had been purposefully putting his medications in places he might run into them as a test, seeing if he was tempted to try and take them again. His theory was only confirmed when Cooper's head popped through the cracked bathroom door.

"God, Blainers!" He ducked back through the door, hand over his eyes, "Put some clothes on!"

The younger sibling did not even bother to mock glare at his out of view older brother, smiling at the cracked open door, "I _just_ took a shower! Stop being a pervert!"

_Thanks for caring enough to check on me though_, Blaine thought, leaving it unsaid. _Thanks for proving your point. Thanks for making me realize that I can't get through this without Kurt; that I really _do_ need him._

* * *

**A/N: Okay, so this is it for this week, you'll hear more of how Cory's death will affect this story next week. It's so hard to believe he's gone, I couldn't make myself write anything until yesterday and I had to block a lot out while editing today after losing my aunt. I'm sure that you will get some more from me this week, I write to cope and I've got a lot to cope about right now. I don't know what exactly that I'll update; just know that it ****_is_**** an update, nothing new. Probably ****_If There Was No Cake_**** or the final installments of ****_Feeling Wanted. _****Just expect them to be up tomorrow or Saturday, at the latest Monday.**

**Anyways, I hope ya'll enjoyed and are coping with Cory's death well. **

**Until next time,**

**Anjel Starlight**


	8. Blaine 6

**A/N: Sorry that this is a little late, I did not realize I worked till close today. My notes on what I am going to do with this story will be at the bottom, I don't want to ruin the reading experience. **

**Warnings: suicidal thoughts, drug induced feelings and talk there-of, general (Klaine is not together?! Why?!) angst**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters depicted, this is a work of fan fiction.**

**Enjoy!... Or try not to want to kill me?**

* * *

Today was not a good day.

He had taken two showers (one this morning and then one actually at school) and ran cold water over his head three times (just since he got home) just to try to cool himself off, but none of that seemed to break the fever. So he had to resolve himself with sitting in front of a fan with no shirt and his sweatpants rolled up to his knees... _Damn fevers._

While he felt better now, it did not change the itching of frustration that tingled just beneath his skin from earlier. His nerves did not feel like they were on fire, just buzzing with the need to move; but he resisted. There was no way that he was allowing himself to move with the way that his body was acting like a lit flame in the wind, remove the wind and the flame would only rise higher. He had already been one bathroom trip short of shaving his head because the heat had become practically unbearable; he was _not_ going to move.

Not when Cooper came to check on him, after he got back from school, and ran out yelling about modesty.

Not when his parents individually check on him after they were back from work.

Not even when Kurt tentatively opened his bedroom door as it neared closer to dinner.

"Wow," the taller teen said as he raised a brow at Blaine. "That's not exactly something I was expecting to see."

"Eh," Blaine just shrugged, teasing Kurt, "You like it." He got a laugh from the other teen that he could not help but smile at. "It's okay," he continued, "I'm just a little over heated right now."

Watching Kurt removing his boots and make himself comfortable against the headboard was a little surreal for Blaine, but when Kurt faced where he was seated at the other end of the bed—he knew that it could not be anything but real (and a little arousing but he was going to ignore that part for now). He was all too aware that his stance gave away how miserable he was feeling; legs spread and his torso angled back, supported by his arms stretched out behind him. Blaine's skin had a sheen to it, despite the fan, and Blaine was sure that that alone gave no doubt to Kurt that he was indeed feverish; and that he was worried.

"Are you alright? You're not sick are you?"

Curly hair flopped around as Blaine shook his head, "I'm fine, it's just the medicine."

"What do you mean?" Kurt asked.

"It's a side effect," Blaine sighed shifting his body so the cool air was hitting a new spot on his heated body. "I'm dealing though. Trust me, it could be worse."

Kurt sat up straighter in surprise, "You mean it's been worse? _This_—" he gestured with his hand at the fan, "—seems pretty extreme."

"Just last week I covered myself in ice packs, just to cool down." He winced at the memory, then shrugged because it still was not as bad as the throwing-up fit he had earlier last week. Nothing that he was dealing with was getting worse, not better either, just easier to manage because he was learning how; with him attending school again, it was maybe even a little easier.

The rooms were normally kept cold anyways and with summer looming over Lima with promise; Friggin's was just a little more lenient on the air-conditioner. Normally the cold temperatures would put anyone in a dormant state, not at all shy of putting them to sleep, even more so now that Blaine was taking the medicine he was; but his fevers made him uncomfortable enough to stay awake, and the cold counteracted the heat—leaving him in a state of almost... normal. But with just enough discomfort to cause him to shower and wet his head throughout the day.

"Blaine..." Kurt whispered, leaning towards him.

"Don't worry, Kurt," Blaine said with a smile, "It's not as bad you think it is. In fact," he sat up straighter and turned towards Kurt, sitting cross-legged and with most of his back being cooled by the fan, "it's more manageable now. So enough with the worrying—" _Please don't stop. Don't stop acting... being the you I know. _"—I've got in under control."

"Blaine..." Kurt started before trailing off again, biting his lower lip but never looking away from Blaine's eyes. The greyed-blue gaze would have unnerved anyone, but all Blaine could feel was relief. Kurt cared, even after all that had happened... even just a little. It was enough for the shorter teen to know that the Kurt he knew, before Blaine had forced this change, was still there, somewhere. "What are you trying to hide?"

Blaine leaned back suddenly in shock, "What?"

"You just—" Kurt stopped but shook his head, "I feel like that you are forcing something... There's no way that _I_ caused you to improve so fast. You were… you were—"

"Kurt," Blaine interrupted, taking a hold of Kurt's hands, stretching his body across the bed so that he could hold them gently. "It's been two week since we last saw each other..." he trailed off but smiled up at Kurt. "Yes, even I know there's a difference. But after the _months_ that neither of us talked; the ignoring and hiding and shielding... All it took was a few moments of getting feelings out, and it put us _here_. Imagine what more time will do? We both have our own things to recover from, and I'm not the only one that has changed in this short amount of time." Blaine pulled himself closer to Kurt, causing the taller teen to laugh at him wiggling up the bed so that their hands did not separate. "_Think_ about it, if it was a month ago and I ask you to come to my house... do you think that we would be like this? You sitting on my bed, not freaking out I'm not wearing a shirt or worrying if I'm sick?" He looked down at their joined hands and smiled at the way Kurt thumb was stroking his knuckles and whispered, "Letting me hold your hands?"

Kurt did not say anything for a few minutes, but Blaine knew it was not because he did not have anything to say, he just needed time to think about all that was said. "I suppose not," Kurt finally said, "I just didn't want to think that somehow this was all too good to be true. I mean, even with my last visit you seemed better, and not just because you weren't high as a kite... You weren't indifferent to me."

Blaine winced at that. He had treated Kurt like he was a stranger when he first visited, but essentially... he was. Or at least had been.

"No, no," Kurt took Blaine by the chin and made him _look_, "I don't really blame you for that. It just hurt is all. But now, we're trying to make it better. _All_ of it." He bit his lip again and dropped his hand down to take Blaine's hand into his, "Since you let out so much before, I think it's only fair that it's my turn." The taller teen waited until Blaine nodded his head before he continued, drawing in a deep breath as if drawing in courage to say something.

Blaine knew then that it was important; he just did not think that it would be _this_ painful.

"I ignored you on purpose."

His hands tightened their hold on Kurt's, more to anchor himself than to support Kurt in continuing, but both sentiments were there—because there had to be more to it than just that.

"It's selfish, but I've always been overshadowed by Rachel and Finn, never really getting a moment to shine. I always felt like I just was not good enough for it." He shook his head when Blaine tried to interrupt, "Don't get me wrong. I _always_ wanted it, but no one really gave me the encouragement or the time to actually _think_ I deserved it. I was always in the background, either being shoved or placed there. So I always felt like I needed to be outlandish and loud to be _seen_."

Kurt smiled suddenly, the biggest that Blaine had seen on his face in a long time. Their eyes met and blue-eyed teen sighed, "But lo and behold the day that I try to actually blend in and not be noticed—this _guy_, who just happens to be the lead singer of the Warblers, takes my hand and picks me out of a crowd to sing to. Figures me out and is _sweet_ to me, when anyone else would have beaten me up." He laughed as Blaine held his hands tighter, giving him support but what to know what caused it all. "Suddenly I was being _seen_, you were there looking at me and it made people look too. I was the center of someone else's world a few short months later, and it felt _so_ good. To not have to worry about Karofsky, to actually be noticed, to be a part of something that I thought I would never have until I left Lima, Ohio.

"So I was selfish again and convinced you to transfer," Kurt looked down at their hands, brow creasing in the way that Blaine knew he was just short of tears. "But then, once again, I found myself in the background; happy that my boyfriend was with me, but overshadowed by him as well. I think that's when I really first started to pull away. It wasn't even until later, after weeks of me slowly pulling away that I even noticed that you were doing the same thing; and as convoluted as it was, I was the only one that could pull away... because I felt I was the only one with a reason to. I wanted to be able to have you and my space at the same time, but you weren't there... then I ran into Chandler."

Blaine felt the sudden need to pull away, to take his hands from Kurt's and jump out the window. He knew that everything about their relationship was going to be laid out bare, he knew that he might not be ready to hear it all... but he held on, because Kurt had to sit through what he had to say, so Blaine was not about to turn his back on Kurt.

Kurt shook his head though, "We've already talked about that though... Look, when I went to New York, it was all a little much. I'm suddenly out of Lima, in this huge city that I am able to be myself in, that I can finally be _seen_ in. I got caught up." He pulled one hand away to start wiping at his reddened eyes, trying to rid the tears spilling from them, "I began to work at Vogue and be a_ part_ of my _dream_ and not just playing pretend in my head. But you were trying to be there for me and I only thought of you as my past."

This time, Blaine did pull his hands away, too shocked for words as he continued to stare at Kurt in growing surprise.

"You were still here, in a place that I had no intention of ever wanting to be a part of my future; and I couldn't help but think that you wouldn't be a part of my future too, if you weren't already with me. I still loved you, but New York was my spot-light... My time to shine. Where I had a life that wasn't dictated by Rachel Berry, or Finn Hudson, or school bullies and homophobic neighbors, or teachers that thought your voice was too girly for a lead, or where prejudices laid supreme... or you. I couldn't help but feel bitter towards you, even when afterwards I knew it was just misdirected. I just... I just..."

"I always thought it was Chandler," he whispered quietly, Kurt's gaze snapping up to meet his own. "I thought you ran into him in New York and with me officially not there, you two were talking. Or... I don't know what." Blaine rubbed his face before shoving his hands through his loose curls, "But _this_... is so much more. I knew there was no way that me playing Tony could be brushed off that easily by you... But then, it was more than just _that_, wasn't it? The solo verses at nationals? The numbers you weren't lead in and I was?" When Kurt only stayed silent Blaine shook his head in disbelief, "Oh my god... I am _so_ sorry I did that to you, Kurt."

Kurt grabbed Blaine's hands the very next second, eyes blazing despite his tears, "No! _Don't_ say that! It was never really you that was the problem! Please don't think it was! I just felt that way. But us talking, laying it all out—this is just another thing that we'll get past, that we'll _solve_. My insecurities are—"

"Look where my insecurities got me, Kurt," Blaine shrugged, as if to gesture to himself and his situation.

"That's why we're talking," the grey faded to blue in Kurt's eyes, the need for Blaine to _get it_ growing, "it isn't just about us talking about you, for me to help you... we're helping each other." Kurt paused though, growing unsure of himself at Blaine's almost blank gaze, "Aren't we?"

"Are we?" Blaine shot back.

Kurt looked down, seeing how Blaine was holding onto him just as fiercely as he was, "I think so."

"Then we are," was all Blaine said.

It was all he needed to say to bring a smile back to Kurt's face.

* * *

**A/N: Okay, that's it for this week, again I'm sorry for the lateness. I hope you enjoyed the further resolve.**

**Important note ahead!**

**I said last chapter that I was going to have problem writing because of Cory's death, I've decided that I am going to deviate from whatever Glee has for Season 5... at least for the most part. It would be too much for Kurt to deal with in my story for Finn to die as well as dealing with Blaine having tried to kill himself. That being said, I need to rethink a few things with the story line and will be taking next week off so I can officially decide where I'm going with this because I've just been writing as it can to me with just a vague idea. As a pre-warning though, it's going to get intense soon. But I am still firm in not making this a character death fic, so just bare with me.**

**Anyways, that's it for now. If I do post next week, it will a surprise to me too.**

**Until next time, **

**Anjel Starlight**

**P.S. Did everyone see that there was actually two chapters posted last week?**


	9. Blaine 7

**A/N: Well... I took the week off and you get the longest chapter yet... How does this happen?... Meh. Whatever. Not much else to say. Moving onto the necessary stuff.**

**Warnings: suicidal thoughts, drug induced feelings and talk there-of, general (Klaine is not together?! Why?!) angst, and... Klaine fighting**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters depicted, this is a work of fan fiction.**

**Enjoy!... Or don't hate me? The fight that ya'll have been waiting/dreading for, from actually in Glee and my story...**

**P.S. I know I already established this with the person that commented but I feel I need to address this now before the story. Someone commented about the lack of confrontation... I had already planned it for this chapter. So don't worry... except for when it blows up like that grenade in Tony Stark's face... Yes, I just went there. **

* * *

_"I ignored you on purpose."_

"On purpose," Blaine whispered to himself. He was still rather shocked about the whole thing; he had not really thought too much about it in the beginning (it seemed too insignificant to what Blaine had done), but the more he did... the more he saw Kurt in the wrong.

What had Blaine done to deserve that?

Nothing.

Not even in the sense of not being able to think of something either; he really had not done anything wrong towards Kurt to deserve to be treated like that. He forgave Kurt after he cheated and supported him through the whole NYADA application; Blaine had even held him throughout the night as Kurt cried his eyes out for not being accepted. Then again when school started up, it was Blaine that sent Kurt off to New York with the heavy promise of the distance not changing him or how he felt about Kurt.

Blaine sighed and dropped his pencil onto his journal, where until fifteen minutes ago he had been taking Physics notes, now he was just drawing random hearts with Kurt's and his names in them while either drawing arrows through them or jagged lines cutting them in half. Not because he felt the need to destroy the representation of his love for Kurt, only because with each heart he drew he found something imperfect about it and decided it was not good enough to be left like that. He wanted so badly to think it was just the drawings and not the actual fault he found between him and Kurt currently; but your subconscious knows better.

He let his head fall closer to the paper, his shoulder hunching over as Tina tried to look at the mess he made of his notes.

With the way that the conversations had been going with Kurt, Blaine grew surer that their individual situations were being slowly resolved while their relationship with one another seemed to only get worse. He knew without a doubt that he had hurt Kurt, it is what drove a lot of his suicidal thoughts, but the more and more he thought of Kurt's side of the conversations... the more it became clear of how truly hurt he was himself.

It was never something that he had given much thought to; because yeah, he was hurt by the break up, he was hurt by Kurt ignoring and avoiding him. But had he not deserved it all? He was the one that sent Kurt off to New York, he was the one that did not reach out hard enough to Kurt, he was the one that cheated, and he was the one that had to be eaten up inside by what he had done to Kurt because of it. But Kurt actually, intentionally, wantingly _ignoring_ him, because they were together but not together?

It fucking hurt.

More than any pain he had ever felt before. Being jumped, his brother's bullying, his parents' disappointment, the rock salt, getting into that one fight with Finn, Kurt's cheating, that one fight with Sam, the break-up, Sue's workout class, the lacy-thong wedgie incident...

It was even more humiliating.

Because who _does_ that?

Kurt apparently, and Blaine had deserved none of it.

Once the bell rang, Blaine was out the door and racing for the parking lot. Kurt was picking him up and they were going to go to Blaine's and swim, hopefully talk more. As much as Blaine wanted full honesty with Kurt, with as rocky as their relationship was, even if it was planted firmly in the "just friends" zone, this might just push them into the biggest fight yet.

...and they were just not ready for it.

In hindsight, he probably should have kept that in mind; because whether it was from the medicine or with all the tension in the air between him and Kurt, Blaine was even shorter tempered than before.

Kurt bounced the beach-ball off Blaine's head, just as he was starting to lose himself to his thoughts again, laughing at the affronted look that came over the curly-haired teen's face.

"I'm gonna get you for that, Kurt!" The shorter teen launched himself at Kurt, arms wrapping around his waist and tackled him into the pool.

They discovered not too long after wrestling in the pool for a few minutes, that their combined splash soaked Kurt's sandals, which were designer and Blaine knew he would never hear the end of it… ever. "Who brings designer _anything_ near a pool anyways?"

"I have never missed an opportunity for fashion—" Kurt ignored Blaine's add-in about the one time he tried to act straight, while he removed himself from the pool to inspect the damage hauntingly, "—and I never will."

Blaine smiled before letting his body float up so that he was on his back, enjoying the cool water against the ever present heat of his skin. The side-effects were luckily fading away or becoming milder as time passed, which Blaine was more and more grateful for when he thought about how miserable he had first been those first few week, going through the same thing twice. At least now Kurt was here to help ebb away the more scaring of his actions... again, ebb not heal. It was either the hurt from before was too much at times, or the new light that was being shed was just causing more hurt; either way, there was no healing between them, despite how much they wanted there to be.

When the curly-haired teen decided that Kurt was taking too long, he shouted out nonchalantly, "Don't make me come get you!"

Apparently that struck the wrong cord because the response he got was nothing he was expecting.

"Why didn't you chase me? Why didn't you come after me?" Kurt asked, voice quiet but serious.

Blaine twisted in the water, hazel eyes looking up at Kurt where he had seated himself at the patio table, shaded by the umbrella there. His trunks and swimming shirt (because no matter how much sun-screen Kurt used, his porcelain skin still burned) soaked and clinging to the planes of his body in distracting ways. At least it would be distracting if Blaine did not feel the anger that had been festering inside him these last few days begin to boil over. "Why didn't you let me?" Blaine accused, walking through the water and over to the edge, the glare he was sending Kurt hardened his features.

"Let you?" Kurt quickly shot back, "You didn't even try! All you did was call and text! You could have come up to see me at any weekend and forced me to listen! Demand to talk to me! Prove to me that I needed to listen! But you only managed to do that _after_ you cheated!"

Fists came down hard on to the tile lining of the pool, Blaine not even wincing as he shouted, "Why do I have to prove myself, Kurt? Do you think I'm undeserving?"

Kurt opened his mouth to say something but quickly closed it, looking away.

"I'm not, am I?" Blaine continued. "Yes, Kurt, I cheated! And I'm _sorry_! But you can't just sit there thinking you're shit free either! No, you didn't make me have sex with Eli but you didn't exactly _not_ cause it! Yes, maybe I could have tried harder to talk to you... but _you_ didn't even _try_!"

The taller teen continued to pointedly look away from Blaine, but the tears running down his cheeks did not escape the hazel-eyed gaze.

It was all coming to a head, just as Blaine feared (how ironic that it was that same day) and no matter how much he knew that they were both not going to come out of this argument unscathed, both hurting; Blaine could not bring himself to apologize to Kurt, not with how angry he felt.

"When you cheated..." Kurt whispered, wiping his tears away with his fingers his gaze still looking off at whatever was more important to look at than Blaine, "I felt like you gave up on me..."

The burning mess of anger flared in Blaine's chest and he could barely keep it contained as he gritted out through clenched teeth, "Apparently, you already gave up on me." The teen moved himself along the wall of the pool so that he had more of a chance to get Kurt to look at him as he continued on, "Was I so unworthy? Did it even cross your mind to even _talk_ to me about it?" When Kurt still did not look at him, even as soft as his voice was, he cursed and yelled, "No! You were just so... so... selfish!"

"Right?" Blue-eyes snapped to meet hazel, glaring _down_ at Blaine; both finding their anger mirrored back, "Because _I'm_ the one in the wrong."

"You are!" Blaine shouted back. No matter what a disadvantage of being in the water and at a lower level than Kurt may have seemed in an argument like this; he knew that if he got out of the pool, much less in Kurt's face... he just might throw some punches.

"Yeah? Because _I'm_ the one that made you cheat?" Kurt spat bitterly, standing up so that he was looking further down at Blaine. "_I_ made you walk into that room and fuck some other guy."

"It takes two to tango, Kurt," he could not bring himself to yell this one. Kurt's words biting into him deeper than he expected it too, because of course he knew this would come up and that it would hurt... but taking a chuck out of him? Deflating him? That just burned him more. Made him angrier. He clenched his fists against the tile at the edge of the pool, letting the roughness of the grout bite into his skin enough for him to not pull himself out of the water and do something that he would very much like to do, but knew he would regret.

Kurt snorted, "Yeah, and it only takes one stupid decision mess up the rest of your life."

Apparently, Blaine was not the only one in his struggle with doing things that would cause regret; he just had a little more control than Kurt. Even as he watched Kurt's eyes go wide immediately after, hands flying up to his mouth, his face scrunching up as if Kurt was in pain, and tears rushing faster down his cheeks...

Blaine looked away; heart feeling like it had been ripped out of his chest again.

_What happened to solving problems, instead of creating them?_ the shorter teen thought bitterly as he pushed away from the edge of the pool and over towards where the underwater steps were. Voice cracking unbidden and the feeling of tears sliding down his warm cheeks making him shiver, but Blaine went on to ask, "Am I your stupid decision, Kurt?"

Kurt gasped and went silent for a few minutes, allowing the curly-haired teen to situate himself on the upper stairs, not fully pulling himself out of the water. When he responded, his voice sounded just as broken as Blaine's, "Blaine, that's not... I didn't mean to say that."

He only laughed and shook his head, looking down at his hands and comparing how the pads of his fingers resembled raisins, "Tell me you haven't wished that you hadn't met me?" Hazel eyes looked up to meet Kurt, hands still held up right, probably looking just as defeated as he felt.

"Why would I—" the blue-eyed teen started, then shook his head deciding against it; only to shake his head again in answer to Blaine. Kurt bit as lip not too long after, growing shy over the intenseness of Blaine's gaze, "Have you?"

"No." It was the truth, so that needed no further explanation, but Blaine was not going to stop there. With hurt feelings all around, clearing the air cleanly was the furthest thing from his mind. "I wished I hadn't cheated. I wished that the pain you were feeling went away. I wished that I wasn't so weak. I wished I had gone to New York and made you listen, made you talk. I wished for a lot of things, Kurt," he paused to breathe, wetting his suddenly dry mouth with his tongue, "but wishing I had never met you, was not one of them."

"Blaine..." it was Kurt's turn for his voice to crack, going higher than Blaine had ever heard it, "I don't want to lose you."

"I don't want to lose you either!" the curly haired teen sobbed, head dropping into his open palms. The sound of bare feet padding against concrete alerted Blaine to Kurt rushing over to him, feeling the taller teen press into his side, Kurt sitting only a step higher than him. "...but aren't we just hurting each other?"

"No..." Blaine heard Kurt assure, before a pause then a teary, "Yes..." They slipped their arms around each other, Kurt's around Blaine's shoulders and leaning across his back while Blaine clung to Kurt's legs, forehead resting on one of his knees. "But we may just be—"

"—going about this wrong?" Blaine muttered, cutting Kurt off in a desperate attempt to stop him from saying something that he himself did not want to hear... but he knew Kurt better than he knew himself, because that was exactly what he was going to say.

Kurt chuckled against Blaine's back, breath brushing over his ear in huffs, "You finished my sentence, we haven't done that in a while."

"There's a lot of things we haven't done in a while," Blaine muttered, pouting slightly and teasingly pressing his lips against Kurt's skin in a not-kiss as he talked, wanting to smother his next words, just in case he got rejected. "Would you like to go on a date with me?"

"Like us..." the teen brushed his nose against Blaine's wet curls, "starting over?"

"Sort of," Blaine shrugged before actually pressing a kiss into Kurt's skin, "but keeping all our faults in mind." Another kiss, "Maybe laying it all out at once wasn't the best idea?" He pulled himself away from Kurt's legs, turning so that they were looking at each other, even pulling himself up on to the same step as Kurt, so that they were at the same level. "I don't want our resolve to be quick and dirty, Kurt. We _both_—," he stressed, eyes searching Kurt's baby blues in a quick flicker, "—deserve better."

A smile pull at the corners of Kurt's lips, him leaning into Blaine's space temptingly before pulling back, so that both of them could get a hold of themselves. Clearly not ready for the step that they might have just made there. He tilted his head to the side, now looking up in Blaine's eyes, "Then maybe it isn't starting over, but starting again?"

"Yeah." Blaine felt a smile pull at his own lips as he stared at Kurt assuringly, "Yeah, I liked that a lot."

They stayed there, holding hands and switching from looking out over the pool and looking into each other's eyes... until Cooper came out and made kiss-y face at them.

So they proceeded to chase him around the house in an attempt to embarrass him by their state of undress.

They could think about their up coming date another time.

* * *

**A/N: Well, that wasn't too bad. I hope. I resolved it as much as I could without making it seem too unreal, but added the lovey stuff because I wanted to... and fan service. But I also want to explain something. I've been talking this whole confrontation thing out with my two friends, who are Glee fans and also dating, and they are in complete agreement with me in that relationships fights don't always happen and/or are resolved all at once. I don't really want to drag this out, but I want to make it as real as possible... Which I don't know if I've said before or not and don't feel like going back and looking because I'm lazy... Because I've had a productive day and wrote two things (the second of which I will post soon). **

**Also, I'm going to address this before I get flack for it. The punching thing. I am NOT going to make Blaine abusive. I think that is too unrealistic for these characters and I will never do that to them. I'm just saying in the way that they are both still ****_human_**** even if they are gay. I've had a few moments when I actually wanted to punch someone and thought better of it... and the time I actually did, but we don't speak about that time. So it's normal. If you want to talk about it, feel free to do so. I'm just putting my feelings about it out there.**

**Anyways, hope ya'll enjoyed... even if it was closer to the end. That's it for this week, I have no idea what I'll post next week because I haven't gotten to that yet, I just have a more firm direction of where this story is going. OH! But I will say this, be prepared to get another Brittany POV soon.**

**Until next time,**

**Anjel Starlight**


	10. Blaine 8

**A/N: I am ****_so_**** sorry! I actually had Ch. 10 ready to post yesterday but when I was doing my final edit... I decided I didn't like it and scrapped the whole thing and wrote this one instead. My original plan was for them to have another fight but still come to the same conclusion as the end of this one, but decided to go a different direction. I'm sure you'll appreciate it. You'll get Kurt's side next week... at least I think, I don't know if I'll have time to write two chapters. Just check the A/N at the end to see why. Okay, the necessary stuff.**

**Warnings: Klaine bickering and... ****_stuff._**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters depicted, this is a work of fan fiction.**

**Enjoy!... No, seriously, enjoy. You'll thank me.**

* * *

"Ten points to Gryffindor!" Blaine shouted excitedly around the piece of popcorn that he just caught with his mouth.

"Boo! That's barely worth five!"

"Don't be a sore loser, Coop!" the teen jumped down from the couch, grabbing a few more pieces to munch on happily—in victory over his brother. They had been playing this game since Cooper declared that the movie they were watching had bad acting, the characters were dull and they did not show enough emotion ("Where is their pointing?! Completely unprofessional!"). The rules were simple, catch a piece of popcorn in your mouth and grade yourself on a scale of one to ten on the difficulty and "coolness".

"You are exacerbating," the man said but ignored Blaine's challenging look and raised eyebrow, suddenly looking thoughtful.

Blaine just rolled his eyes and took a seat on the couch, hoarding the popcorn from his brother out of spite for basically being called the eccentric sibling. While Blaine could admit that his brother has been having a lot of clever moments lately, he would never agree to his brother being the lesser personality... or not annoying ninety-five percent of the time. That does not mean he did not appreciate him any less, especially with his support through the break-up and these last few weeks; even more so with coming back into his life the way he had within the last year. The fact that Cooper had any interest in Blaine's life was weird, but he was slowly becoming comfortable with the attention.

"_So_, Blainers," slate-grey eyes bore into hazel with a seriousness that Blaine had seen plenty of over the last few weeks. "What's up with you and Kurt and this 'starting over' thing?"

The teen huffed, head falling back against the couch, "It's 'starting _again'_, not 'starting over'."

"I don't understand how those are different," Cooper responded slowly, sounding confused.

Blaine blew air up his face, the curls that were lying against his forehead flopped around from being disturbed but remained, for the most part, unmoved. The playing with his hair gave him a few minutes to try and explain it to Cooper; but he was drawing a blank—actually, he'd been drawing a blank since Kurt had left for home that evening.

Whether he was busy or not, Blaine had it on his mind, trying to figure it out. The actual definitions of the words were simple, similar but different; but the actual meaning, where this whole thing was going to lead Kurt and him was confusing. That and, "They are. Kurt and I just haven't—" he shrugged, his eyes dropped down to the popcorn bowl, fingers playing with the pieces within, "I mean, 'starting over' implies that we would go back to being friends before—_if_ we move on past that point. But 'starting again' would be finding the point in which we messed up at and starting there to fix things—" Blaine sighed heavily, falling back into the couch with a sag, "—at least I _think_."

Cooper snorted, taking the bowl out of his younger brother's weak grasp, "That's so _complicated_. I don't understand why you can't make it simpler. _And_ what's up with this 'I think' stuff?"

"Well," the teen shrugged, "we haven't really talked about it."

"Really?" Cooper sounded surprised. He was probably staring at Blaine in surprise too, but the teen refused to look up at his brother right now. Unintentional as it was, this situation between him and Kurt was becoming more and more sensitive the longer they let things remain unspoken. "That doesn't sound like you two."

"I know," Blaine whispered, nearly afraid to admit it; because it was true, this was not like them. They communicated... at least they were supposed to now, that's how they were going to solve their problems, by talking. He did not think that Kurt was purposefully avoiding the subject... Blaine knew that they were not talking about it because they did not really know how to deal with all the new, he calls them "road blocks", without hesitating at every step. He did not want to have to ask Kurt at every point if things were "okay"; Blaine should know, since he was the other half of the relationship... but he this was _all_ new to him. It was not like he knew how to handle any of it.

How exactly does one handle a situation like this anyways?

Going back to being just friends left a lot to be desired with Blaine. They already know each other as friends.

That was not where things changed for them either. Yes, there were new quirks about them or things they liked over disliked or how their life is going or where it is going. But if they talked about those few things, they would run out of new things to talk about. As Blaine saw it, they had not changed much. In the way that he saw Kurt change, it was not in the friend sense. Had Blaine and him been friends, Kurt would have never used him for sex and left him high and dry in the relationship area. That whole debacle started because they were boyfriends, Blaine hurt Kurt and Kurt wanted revenge.

Best friends would not hurt each other like that... so maybe that was a possible solution for them. To go back to being friends and learn how to act around each other again.

_But that's stupid. We know how to be around each other as friends... we need to work on our_ _relationship if we want to solve things. Not _relearn_ one another—except like _that_._ Blaine's eyes widened and he shook his head ever so slightly, _Gutter, gutter! Get out!_ With a groan he fell side-ways on the couch, pressing the heel of his hands against his closed eyes, silently cursing his teenage hormonal state.

Feeling very tired, Blaine let his mind blank out, preparing to fall asleep right where he was.

"Hey, Blainey?" Cooper's voice interrupted his non-thoughts.

"Yeah?"

The man stayed silent for a few seconds, letting Blaine drift back and forth between awareness and the impending dream-land; but disturbed Blaine gently by running fingers through his hair in a petting motion. "Is Kurt coming today?"

"Don't think so," he muttered against the couch cushion, "He's helping his dad at work. He'll be tired... and it's getting late."

Blaine had the vague feeling that Cooper nodded, adding a quiet "Yeah", right before he fell fully asleep.

* * *

As he slowly began to wake up, Blaine felt like his hair was gently being pulled away from his head, curls pulled a part before being twirled back together. He only realized it was fingers after they drove into his hair, massaging his scalp before gently pulling at his curls again. Blaine sighed happily, turning his head to give the person more access and sneaking a peak while he was at it.

Kurt smiled at him, clearly amused but did not argue, "Hey, Sleepy-head."

"Hi," the younger teen closed his eyes again, letting himself slowly wake up and enjoying not having to rush into awareness. "Why are you here?"

The fingers in his hair froze suddenly, "I just—" they continued but were pulled back slightly, "—wanted to see you."

"'kay," Blaine said, feeling the indentions on his face and arm from the cushion as he shifted around. Only noticing after a few seconds of disappointing petting, that his question might have been taken the wrong way. He peaked up at Kurt again, noticing how his lips were pursed and his eyes looked sad and distant. Blaine reached out and touched Kurt's cheek with a single finger, "Thought you'd be tired and wouldn't come."

The other teen chuckled suddenly and he slipped his hand to the back of Blaine's head, pulling him forward and pressed a kiss to his forehead. But when he pulled back, this—_look_ came over his face, haughting and lonely and sad and... _wanting_. He leaned forward again, kissing Blaine's forehead twice then sliding his lips down the bridge of Blaine's nose, over to his exposed cheek, then down again to the corner of his mouth. Kurt let himself linger there, eyes clenched shut and breath stuttering—as if he was about to cry.

Blaine's heart clenched tightly as he watched this through practically crossed hazel eyes. There was a line and they crossed it without even talking about it... but then again...

_If we didn't talk about it... technically there is no line._

But...

He wanted to do what was right for them, for their relationship. He was still not sure what all he would be able to do with how things were. But right at this moment, this very _second_, he wanted to do what was right for Kurt... and with the way Kurt seemed to be unraveling before him, the right thing to do was what Kurt wanted.

...and he had always been good at knowing what Kurt wanted.

Blaine tilted his head up, eyes closing, affectively sliding his lips across Kurt's until they were fully pressed together. They were barely even touching, Kurt's smooth and dry lips pressing into his own cracked and chewed at ones (a habit that Kurt had managed to break him out of before they started dating, but came back nearly two months ago with a vengeance). He could tell that Kurt was not fully satisfied with that, so he pressed harder and opened his mouth a little—that was all it took for Kurt to press back, his own mouth opening and lips pressing wetly against Blaine's.

The taller teen's fingers clenched in his hair and the front of his shirt, pulling Blaine closer—before Kurt's whole body was moving to crawl on top of Blaine... awkwardly. Their mouths did not separate but Blaine had not been laying fully on the couch in the first place, his legs still hanging off the front with his butt pressing into the arm of the couch while his torso had been near the edge. With Kurt now pushing him down on his back Blaine adjusted himself quickly to make it less awkward for them both, slinging his left leg over the arm of the couch and stretching out his right. It gave Kurt room to straddle his left leg as he moved in lay half on top of Blaine and in the space between the shorter teen and the back of the couch.

As their mouths moved against each other with more pressure, hands felt the need to move as well; but Blaine caught the one that had been clenching his shirt before it moved too far, pressing against his chest while interlacing their fingers. Blaine's other hand though, slid to rest on Kurt's lower back, feeling the heat of him through his shirt, holding the taller teen closer.

Just as quickly as the kiss heated up it slowed and became more lingering. Kurt relaxed against Blaine, softening the pressure of his mouth against the shorter teen's, drawing out each brush feeling the wetness of the kiss beginning to dry and cause their lips to stick together. With one final kiss and breathing each other in, they both pull back and opened their eyes.

Blaine smirks, but the humor does not quite reach his eyes, "So much for 'just friends'."

Kurt sighs heavily, but does not look away, "We're not strangers, Blaine."

"Of course not," he quickly assures, confused.

"So why do we need to start as friends again? We _know_ each other," Kurt said with conviction. "I mean, do you want to be friends?"

The curly haired teen shrugged, "Well, yes."

"Do you want to be _just_ friends?"

Blaine shook his head, holding Kurt's hand closer to his heart, "No."

"Then it isn't our friendship that we need to work on, is it?" His fingers splayed out on Blaine's chest, rubbing at the material of his shirt before relaxing into the hazel-eyed teen's grip, "If we want to be together later on, we need to figure things out _while_ we're together. It doesn't make sense to try to fix things in order for us to be a couple, if we're trying to do that while just friends."

A smile pulled at the corners of Blaine's mouth, eyes feeling like they were burning into Kurt's, "So this isn't about talking... but trial and error?"

Kurt huffed, looking a little affronted, "You can make this sound like a science experiment all you want. As long as it's chemistry we're talking about."

"Of course," he agreed immediately, nodding his head enthusiastically.

"Dork," the taller teen whispered, tucking his head into the curve of Blaine's neck.

"You mean adorkable," Blaine responded, scoffing.

Kurt simply laughed... and Blaine could only smile in kind. Now he knew that Kurt was just as invested into their future as he was (not that he ever doubted it, it was just nice to know). It was certainly turning out better than he had initially expected. With the way that things happened and how they were going, it was nice that things were looking better by the day. Kurt coming back into his life was the last possible thing he could have expected by trying to kill himself again; but when he did and they had been at a complete stand still with Kurt only helping as a "friend", Blaine almost wanted to give up hope but not let go and let Kurt down.

He did not have to worry about that (the "For now" he ignored and push back into a far corner of his mind).

Blaine moved his arm up to wrap around Kurt's shoulders, turning and pressing the growing smile into Kurt's hair, "Better than that boyfriend pillow, huh?"

Kurt jerked away, staring at him with wide eyes before pushing himself up to hover over Blaine, "Who told you about that?"

"No one," Blaine said with a smirk... that quickly dropped into a frown when he noticed narrowed blue eyes, amending his answer quickly, "Santana."

"That—that... _bitch_!"

"Kurt..." the shorter teen said gently, not wanting to have the other teen riled with they had just been cuddling, "please, just, lay down again."

Kurt flopped down, causing Blaine to emit a small "Oof" that was ignored, "It's so embarrassing that you know now!"

Blaine patted his back, saying jokingly, "We'll get through it. I'll somehow survive that you've been lying in some other man's arm..."

The taller teen hit him across the chest, "_Not_ funny!"

He just laughed, "It's a little funny."

"No, not at all."

"No?"

"No."

"Well then..." Blaine whispered, turning his head away dramatically, "then I shall never see you again!"

Kurt huffed against his neck, "Dork."

"Your dork," he responded bravely.

The blue-eyed teen did not respond immediately, but Blaine felt the smile against his neck, so he was not worried.

"Yes," Kurt finally said.

Blaine smiled and laughed up at the ceiling, "And that's totally awesome!"

"Oh my—" Kurt hit him lightly across the chest again. "Stop ruining the moment."

He just laughed again.

* * *

**A/N: Begin with HP reference, end with a VHPM reference! Awesome. Well, I hope you like this one, especially with the new direction that I decided to go in. Again, sorry for the lateness.**

**Also, next weeks might be a little late too because I am moving back to school and will be a little busy. I wanted next week's to be Kurt's POV, but I don't know if I'll have time to write two chapters, and I don't want to promise you'll get two if I don't have the time... but Kurt's POV is kind of important to where this is all going. So we'll all just have to wait and see.**

**Anyways, thanks for your continued interest and your patience for my everywhere-ness. **

**Until next time,**

**Anjel Starlight**


	11. Kurt 2

**A/N: Yes, I'm finally back. Sorry it took so long, school has kept my muse away. This will be the only chapter for tonight and I'll post Blaine's tomorrow, I still need to write half of it. I have some news though, I'm going to cut down the updates to only one chapter a week, no matter the POV. It will give me a break to be able to post other things during the week and I'll also stay on top of the due dates instead of trying to post two at once. Anyways, that's it for now.**

**Warnings: Nothing really. More Klaine fluff and a lot of explanation for Kurt.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters depicted, this is a work of fan fiction.**

**Enjoy!... Even though you're just waiting for the date chapter.**

* * *

_"He forgot he was magical and his horn fell off... but luckily he started looking for it before he turned into a zebra," the blond teen smiled proudly as she ran her fingers through Kurt's hair._

She's right to be proud... because she was here. Here for Blaine.

_Brittany had always lived in a world separate than everyone else; that much had always been clear to Kurt. Special and Magical. But there had been times when he looked down on her as strange and dumb—he had come to regret those times. Particularly now, when he was finding out about how much effort Brittany had put into being with Blaine, supporting him without understanding what was really going on. At least not in a way that one might initially think._

_Kurt knew she was right, now._

_Blaine had lost what made him special. He lost his spark... and with that, his will to live._

_"Did he find it, Brittany?" his voice was soft, hesitant._

_He grew worried when she did not respond for several minutes, but Brittany did not allow him to look up at her as she continued to play with his hair._

_"Lord Tubbington has been hiding my left socks from me," she whispered, her voice not as happy as it had been only moments before._

_Kurt winced._

_It hurt to think—to know that Blaine was still lost._

_...and how everyone, but Brittany, did not see it._

_Not even him._

* * *

_The whole time Kurt helped his dad in the shop—he could not get his mind off Blaine._

_It seemed almost impossible that Blaine had snapped back into his old self. Especially with how he had been the first time Kurt got to talk to him when he was mostly lucid. Blaine had showed no feeling, no emotion towards Kurt or for being alive—as if the whole world was on the other side of a glass wall and Blaine had gotten used to being detached. Knowing he did not belong or he was out of place, like he had lived his whole life a part of this one puzzle and fitting perfectly, before his shape just changed and now he lost the big picture he was once a part of._

_Kurt could not help, even as he tried to keep his mind busy, scenes from his visit with Brittany playing over and over in his head._

_Brittany had been there for Blaine and he had not._

_Brittany saw, what even Kurt was blinded to._

_Brittany saw that Blaine was still not himself, that he was still lost._

_How could it have come to this?_

_How could Kurt's "B" be gone when Kurt saw so much of him in Blaine now than he had that first day. He got that him being there for Blaine helped the teen, but it made no sense that it would have happened so fast. Kurt coming back and suddenly Blaine was a new person?_

_Blaine had been at the brink—_twice.

_He had lost who he was._

_He lost his will to live._

_...but it was almost like he had not lost his will to love._

_Love Kurt._

_Kurt dropped the new spark plug he had been bringing over to his dad. _Fuck,_ he thought, stopping in his tracks, _That's it.

_Blaine was getting better because Kurt was _there_. It was _for_ Kurt, in a sense._

_Here they were firmly set in the friends-only-zone but constantly flirting with the line because of how they felt for each other in the past—but it was the line-toeing that was giving Blaine hope that Kurt was going to give in, that they were going to be the romantic comedy of the century. The other teen was holding out for that, holding out for Kurt because he wanted to be a part of Kurt's life, Blaine wanted Kurt there as much as he wanted to be there._

Damnit!

_He knew Blaine better than that! Where the fuck did he get off thinking Blaine would not do something like this?_

_Allowing him to just sacrifice himself over -their- relationship?! It was just so—_Blaine_ to allow Kurt to dictate everything without much of a fight because all he wanted was for Kurt to be happy. He wanted to be there for Kurt, like he was the one who needed the—_

Shit! He's been comforting -me- this whole time!_ Kurt cursed under his breath and stormed out of the garage towards the offices and back to the breakroom so he could take a shower. _This whole time Blaine had been too scared to cross the line somewhere—

_Then again, what line?_

Holy Jimmy Choo... This whole time we were both so careful to not cross 'The Line' when we never ever talked about where it should fucking go!_ he thought frustrated, taking deep breaths in order to not let the fit he was throwing in his head actually manifest into something physical. While Burt was perfectly fine with Kurt walking out while he was helping out in the garage, especially when it was so slow, but he would rip his son a new one if he trashed the breakroom._

_His face grew warm, fingers and toes began to tingle, breathing labored, and his heart felt like it was going to make a debut into the outside world the way it was beating against his sternum—Kurt had kept himself separate from Blaine, thinking it was for the best. He resisted every urge and temptation that Blaine (repeatedly) unconsciously released within Kurt._

_At Blaine's house with his shirtless chest._

_At the pool with Blaine dripping wet and nearly his whole body on display._

_In Blaine's room after the pool when the curly-hair teen came out of the bathroom in a towel._

_All those times—he held back because friends did not ravish friends. Not when they were not -those- kinds of friends._

_As Kurt stood there, letting the confusing emotions and revelations wash over him before he let himself admit something that he would even push away from his thoughts when he was all alone in his bedroom, pushing himself to try and sleep and not check up on Blaine before he did because Blaine was a big boy and did not need to be coddled by Kurt..._

_He _missed_ Blaine._

_Kurt missed talking to him about Vogue and their deepest-darkest fears and everything between._

_Kurt missed planning their future in as many combinations as he could, the different places they would live and the jobs they would have, if they would live in a house or an apartment and if they would have kids, the moment that the decided to get married or if Blaine or he would proposed._

_He missed hugging him longer than friends would. He missed the spooning and fighting over who got to be the big spoon. He missed kissing Blaine lazily because the movie got boring. He missed being able to look in Blaine's eyes and prove to himself that there were more colors there than just hazel. He missed fake-laughing at Blaine's silly jokes even when they were actually funny, just to see Blaine pout. He missed being able to run his hands over Blaine's stubble because they had not gotten up for the day yet. He missed the way Blaine would roll them around the bed and bend him this way and that, because despite Kurt being the one to take charge of everything else—Blaine ruled the bedroom... he also missed the way Blaine counted the places they did—Kurt blushed—_stuff_ (and remembering exactly what _stuff _they did) outside the bedroom._

_But most of all—Kurt clenched his eyes shut to stave off his tears—Kurt missed the few moments, after every different moment, where they would just look at each other and whisper 'I love you.'_

* * *

We're not strangers,_ Kurt thought, preparing himself to talk with Blaine about their relationship, _We've been through more than most best friends have... so why bothering trying to fix a friendship that is not broken? When the relationship is...

_The blue-eyed teen sighed heavily, tempted to run a hand through his hair but curled his fingers against the side of his jeans instead._

It's not going to be that hard, Hummel. Just do it.

_The door was answered with seconds of him knocking, Cooper's smiling face greeted him and the man simply pointed to the livingroom threshold, not bothering to explain while he quickly made his way up the stairs. Kurt decided to ignore any lingering questions in favor of getting to Blaine and having this conversation as fast as possible. Expecting the other teen to be watching TV, Kurt was surprised to find him sleeping and practically hanging off the back of the couch._

_Fondness washed over him in waves as he stared at Blaine's sleeping form; before Kurt even realized it, he was across the room kneeling next to Blaine and gently running his fingers through those curls of Blaine's that drove him up the wall._

I miss you.

_It was truly tragic at how out of control he truly was at the moment when he practically jumped Blaine when he just woke up—No, actually, it was not tragic. Not at all._

_It was magical, earth-quakingly beautiful, like coming home when he never realized he had left._

_He missed this._

* * *

"Blaine," the blue-eyed teen called, gently nudging the thoroughly blissed-out teen.

"Uh," was the only response he got.

Kurt huffed and pressed his knuckles more firmly into Blaine's lower back muscles, "Listen to me! Don't fall asleep; you still need to return the favor."

"I'll make you so incoherent I'll need to revive you with 'true loves first kiss'," Blaine mumbled just clearly enough to leave Kurt flushed and wanting. "Besides, I _am_ listening. No Breadstix, you want to do a day out. Personally, I think we should have a day in with chocolate-chip cookies, private dinner, movies, cookies, cuddling, massages, cookies—"

"Stop with the cookies," Kurt laughed, the feeling of fondness coming back.

"I'll never stop with the cookies," he said with a sigh. "Remember? At least twice a year."

The blue-eyed teen smiled down at Blaine's back, leaning down and pressing a kiss between his shoulder blades, "I'll hold you to that."

Blaine chuckled, moaning when Kurt moved his hands back up to his neck, "Oh! Good."

Kurt pulled his hands away, "I'm sorry, what did you say?"

"I love you, don't stop?"

Kurt sighed.

Blaine grunted and turned himself under Kurt, grabbing onto his hips when the taller teen tried to move away to give him roo. Curls splayed out across the pillow, hazel eyes sparkling with green flecks, and a smile that made Kurt melt into the shorter teen. "Would you like to have a date here at my house? By ourselves? With no other people around? Where we can do whatever we want?"

"Sounds amazing," Kurt smiled, relaxing into Blaine's naked chest. "But you're not allowed to wear a shirt."

"Haha," Blaine mocked but froze when he saw the look on Kurt's face. "You're not serious are you? Kurt?"

The taller teen did not answer.

"Kurt?"

* * *

**A/N: Kurt gets flirty... Awesome. I've got some surprises for you in the coming chapters, but I'm not going to say anything about them and just let them be surprises as the come. It'll be fun and nerve-wracking. **

**Anyways, thanks for you're continued interest and support! I hope you enjoyed!**

**Until next time,**

**Anjel Starlight**


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